My life,and other irrelevant stuff..

2009-04-13T21:27:00.002+05:30

So,here I am.
Back again.

I managed to retrieve my old(I mean OLD) posts from the annals of Blogspot waste,and read through them.
No comments.

Ah.. Results. Economics. Shit.

Forget that.

I suddenly feel like watching Men In Black. The first one.
Or Forrest Gump.

Bored.

Nothing much to post here right now.
I think I'll just go and drown in my own boredom.
Ah.. :(

Peace. Or whatever you like.

-32

2009-04-03T12:49:00.003+05:30

Is it any wonder?
That's a question,isn't it?
Did I just answer that with another question?
What is the one above then?

Let me tell you something.. If you are invited to the Kingdom Of Heaven,don't stay at home.
Don't sit and curse the weather.
GO.
Why?
Let's see..
Life is depressing.
I can vouch for that.
If you want something,go out and get it.
Don't tell everyone around you that it is what you want,if you don't really want it.
How do you decide whether you want it or not?
You don't decide.
Life decides it for you.
It's like driving on the highway.
Who the fuck decides what speed you go at?
Definitely not you.
It is pre-determined.
You HAVE to go fast on the highway.
No two ways to that.

So,yeah,make everything allright.

So what if you don't have any faith in the road you chose?
You chose it because you found it to be decent enough.

I am at that junction,where I know I want it.
I know that I can keep wanting.
It's not for me to decide,as to whether or not I get it.
Stuff is prone to change.
People are.
What you feel from the heart today,may not be the same later.

All I want to say is..
If you declare something,stand by it.
Don't give the other person/people a chance to doubt your intentions.
I say this because sometimes,I am left wondering the credibility of those statements.
Of those thoughts.
I believe,yes.
And I want to believe forever.
Don't change that.
It's not a plea.
It's a fucking statement,straight from the heart.
Don't change that.

I might be the darkness in your tunnel..but you need the darkness.
I am not saying you can't do without it.
You can do without anything.
But if you choose the tunnel,you get the darkness with it.

Start.
Stop.
Start.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
Stop.
FUCKING HELL.

The darkness wishes you would acknowledge it's true importance.
Well,one fine day,you will.
I'll wait.
I can do that.
I will,rather.

Peace.

-32

2008-09-03T22:16:00.002+05:30

"Forever" is too strong a word.
Or so I realized a few days back..

Anyway..
I had this wonderful time today,by the seaside.
The sky was crimson red.
Clouds making weird shapes up there.
A strong,calming wind blowing..
and a friend to talk to..about life..

I want to die young.
I realized..there is no point in living to be old someday..
Why would you want to be at the beck and call of someone else,when you can actually live your life to the fullest and die before you become too bloody old?
It is simple,really..
Live a good life,and leave when you are on a high..I know of certain people who have done the same.. :)

Life is too unpredictable to be taken for granted.
You can't plan in advance..
you don't really know what you are gonna do tomorrow..where you are gonna be..and WHO'S GONNA BE WITH YOU..

It is quite sensible to refrain from such talks with anyone you love or care for..

Nothing is certain.
Things change fast..people change faster.

I guess that's all there is to life..
Staying the same never helped anyone. :)

Peace.

-32

2008-08-27T21:56:00.002+05:30

Why does it always rain on me.. ?

I stopped blogging ages back.

It doesn't seem to make sense anymore..

You let out everything in this place..and it ends up fucking the shit even more..

Well..I'll keep it short and simple..

Things are changing.
I thought they wouldn't.
I don't want them to.

I wish I was asleep. :(

2008-08-03T10:18:00.003+05:30

To whomsoever this may concern..

I was born without the intelligence others may possess.I am not smart,I don't look like a dream,I don't come across as a friendly guy,my life is messed up,my head hurts all the time,people mistaken my contorted visions as pure madness.

This is not something I write everyday.
Living without a sense of fear means doing things you would never regret.
I don't know if the ones who come into this space even UNDERSTAND anything I do write.

My life is just really messed up and that reflects on my posts.

I am this.

Please understand..
I am going through a rough patch.
I know that being there for me is not really possible for either one of you guys..
Which is why I fucking rant like a little bastard in my posts.

Peace.

-32

2008-08-03T01:59:00.002+05:30

I dont even know what I have to write in this space anymore..
I don't even know what I am supposed to think..supposed to say..

Just a messed up 17 year old who is far away from home..
Shifting the whole setup back to the degraded first floor and then to the 19th..

I climbed 18.
I like climbing.
Period.

It makes my hamstrings hurt like a crazy little bitch.
I like that sort of pain.

The days seem longer now..starting at 5 in the morning..ending at 11 in the night..
Football makes me want to live.

Add to that,playing on the Rustom Baug turf right from 5:30 in the morning under floodlights.

I am at this point in life where doing anything makes no difference to the way I feel inside..about myself..about everything..
Immune.
Hollow.

Plain lonely maybe..

Waiting for Malhar to finally get over..I want my 8 hours of sleep back..
at least 6..or 4?

My eyes look like Joker's..
A weird hairdo,white paint and two big slashes across my face and I could be like him.
I don't mind doing it right now..

"Why so serious?" -Joker

This flash that I saw today..strange sort of a thing..
I saw weird images..lights..colours..lines..strange,inanimate objects..
Made me believe I was dead.
The way life is going,I wouldn't mind being dead.
Over and over and over again.

Repetition is the worst form of flattery.Or so they say..
I believe it is true..
But then why does a simple sentence fail to make sense to people after a certain duration?
Is it the same choice of words?

Or the same feeling..

Money is material.
It keeps you and me happy.

Either you are too fucked by life to even think about waking up another morning..or life is fucking the shit out of you,preventing you to even inch closer to perpetual freedom from pain,grief,suffering and loneliness?
I mean death.

My writings seem dark,yet they only embody my twisted,contorted thoughts.
These are random.
Randomness is cliche.

Yeah..realizing that ordinary people,sometimes,tend to have extra ordinary lives is the order of the day.
Get it straight.

Randomness really is cliche.

I guess its too late in the night,or too early in the morning to even think about randomness anymore.

Same fucking bullshit,just another fucking brilliant day.

Tired.
Exhausted.
Frustrated.
Incensed.
Ready to give up.
In a very "What the fuck?!" situation.

Maybe it is time I left..

Just remember one bloody thing..and I speak for the world in general when I say this..

People are selfish.No matter how hard they try,selfishness is something that comes naturally to them.
Such people often let you face the fucking music all by yourself.
Yes..that's about it.

None of this made any sense to any bastard,dead or alive.
May my soul rest somewhere in the passage leading to heaven from hell.

Going down..

Peace.

-32

2008-07-26T15:45:00.004+05:30

The Jai Hind College Football Team

Official Number

" 32 "

Name : Akhilesh M Ramachandran
Position : Central Midfield/Right Midfield
Drafted In : 8th
Appearances : 1
Goals : 0
Assists : 4

Jai Hind vs Matunga Sports Club

Final Score : 5-0
Excerpt from the Mumbai Mirror,22nd July 2008

"..which led to the sorry show.Jai Hind midfielder Akhilessh (typo) Ramachandran provided passes for 4 of the 5 goals.The MSC defenders found it hard to stop the combo of Kuldeep,Joah,Meckzaad and Akhilesh and gave away 3 easy goals in the first half.The second half saw something of a comeback,with Rajesh and Jijin of the MSC coming close to scoring.The match ended with the scoreline as 5-0,which proves the point that Jai Hind college is the team to beat this season. "

:)

That's about it I guess.

Caring for anyone seems a waste when all they do is shove you away.

I am being shoved away by a person I care for..so much..it is painful.

Half of my day is spent in thinking of ways to make my loved ones happy.
..I end up getting a lot of shit from EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.

So,well..Thank You.
For showing me what LIFE is really about.

For telling me that it is easier for you to forget than to forgive.

For making me believe that everything does happen for a bloody reason...YOU.

Thanks once again..
May God bless you.
Hope you get exactly what you want.
EVERYTHING.

Peace.

-32

2008-07-25T15:22:00.000+05:30

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true..

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me..

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good..

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all..

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you..

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me..

2008-07-25T15:15:00.002+05:30

"I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger."

-The Joker

"You can't rely on anybody these days... You gotta' do *everything* yourself..."

-The Joker

" If you're good at something, never do it for free."

-The Joker

2008-07-24T15:51:00.003+05:30

My brain is so fucked up right now..

SO FUCKED UP..

Somebody..KILL ME..RIGHT NOW..

Shoot the living fuck out of me..DO IT..

2008-07-23T15:58:00.002+05:30

Have you ever cried JUST because you realized that you were at fault?
No?

Then I guess I am alone on this one.

Crying can make you go places you never went before..
I visited a few places last night..and the night before..and the night before..
You see..I am in a place where working is the order of the day..
All work..
And I was so caught up that I forgot everything..
about who I was..about people whom I loved..about the ones who loved me..

Greed.

That one small word.
Utter,shameless greed.
For victory.

I sat down a few nights back..alone in my room..and thought..thought about HOW different my life was a few months back..
then I thought about mom..I felt bad for not having the time to talk to her..
I thought about a lot of people..and I came to the conclusion..that I was doing all the work,not giving a fuck about my own personal life..

I keep saying that "I tried my best.."
Oh fucking bullshit..this is NOT EVEN CLOSE TO IT..

I had a one-on-one with myself last night..

I have failed.
Even before the battle has begun..i have failed miserably..

And failure leads to repression..to hate and to anger.
I know.

I just want to clarify a few things..

I am the SAME GUY who left Kochi a few months back for Mumbai..for college..
I haven't changed now..I will NOT change ever..
I don't smoke or drink..
I love my girlfriend who lives miles away..I LOVE HER..
I am still a momma's boy..
I still miss dad..
I still look upto my bro..

If that wasn't enough..I miss home..and I wanna go back..

When situations change,so do mindsets..
People NEVER change..their mindsets do..

I just wanna apologize..
To whomsoever this may concern..
I am sorry for having taken your friendship/enmity for granted in the last 3 weeks..i guess i immersed myself so much into my work that i forgot about myself..
I am sorry..and i'll try not to do it again..

I feel..umm..bad..
I hurt the most important person in my life..
Hurt her..

Took her for granted..
My favoritest person in the world felt bad..because of ME..

:(

If you are reading this..
I am sorry..especially to you..
I know this will work only if both of us give it our best..
You have always given your best..
The problem is with me..
I screw up everytime..
I just wish you would understand..
I would never hurt you..I'd get hurt myself before i let anything hurt you..

I love you..always have,always will..
And I miss you..like I never thought possible..
I just can't wait to be with you..to hold you..and never let go..

I am sorry. :(

Peace.

-32

2008-07-13T17:37:00.002+05:30

Some days back.
Oh yeah..
I got this huge lightning bolt.
No,no..
It was far,far stronger than that.
There are these two people I know.
They love each other.
In fact,their relationship epitomises love itself.
But haven't you seen those GOOD romantic movies,where SOMETHING or the other ends up happening?
Something bad.
Something miserable.
And so it did.
When I was told,I just didn't understand the logic.
The two were very much in love with each other,cared so much for each other,could practically be with each other forever..and yet,they HAD to break the perfectly beautiful thing they had.
And then I was told.
Weird are the ways of the One above.
And I am not saying this with regards to THIS context only.
I have felt pain and grief myself.
Of loss,of torture.

Growing up makes you realize 3 things..
1..Life is never gonna be easy.
2..Money DOESN'T grow on your fucking tree.
3..Change is inevitable.
At this point,I really don't know what to write in here..
All my thoughts,all my emotions have been extinguished via a huge blow up of frustration.

Punching Bag.
"The fact that you can be hopelessly in love determines your mindset thereon."

The world doesn't run on love.
The world,for that matter,doesn't run at all.
If faith meant believing in something so pure,so innocent,then why does faith not seem so strong anymore?
I wish I was there for her.
Just being there would have let me feel and share the pain she feels.
I miss her.
Now,more than ever.

I have been busy these days.
More busy than I have been in the last 17 years of my so called life.
Life is what our parents present us.
Life is what we take forward.
Life is what we MAKE.

Am I serious?

The Social & Dramatic Union sure knows how to drain a person of his emotions.
I remember watching Ashni cry because she missed her boyfriend who incidentally,lived a few miles away.
The SDU is a fun family to be a part of.
Arzaan is the big daddy.
Curly haired Bawa.
Eccentric when time demands,mellow otherwise.
Anushka is the big momma.
Straight haired Bawi.
THE MOST HARDWORKING INDIVIDUAL I HAVE EVER SEEN.
There are a lot more people whom I work with on a daily basis.
Mamu A.K.A. Ashwin.. SDU Treasurer,Silent as a Corolla engine :)
Shraddha ..IPA..Gives me company during HRZ and 9P :) [Also says I am VERY WEIRD] :D
Monaz ..Senior HC,Fun and fellow coffee lover :)
Namasvi ..Senior HC,Happy no matter WHAT the deadline :)
Trisha ..Fellow RIC,Much like a kid,loves Twix :D
Shruti ..HC,BUSY! :D
Nawaz ..IPA,Lunch partner :D
Tasneem ..RIC,Classmate and Emo hater :P
Ashni ..RIC,CRY BABY :P
Sooraj A.K.A. Baafna ..Senior HC,still a junior though :)
Aditi ..RIC,Publicity "pardner!" ;)
Chandni ..RIC,Doesn't speak,come what may.
Dhvani ..Junior RIC,Rarely see her..
Gaurav ..Junior RIC,Fun chap :)
Radhika ..Junior RIC,loves "That guy in green!!" :D
Vaspan ..Senior HC,Never on time..buys me Coffee :D
Kaamna ..Senior HC,Hates all guys including Chai waala Dev :D
Parizad ..Senior HC,moody ..
Vishana ..IPA,Weird,but loads of fun :D
Shreya ..Junior RIC,"Shut the fuck up you idiot!" :D :D
Akhilesh ..RIC,Loves the SDU.. :D

It is a lot of work.
Travelled close to 220 kms in 2 days in search of a Rotor Mechanism Ps100.
Found one.
Tired as a bitch.
I just wish the days were longer.
I mean..24 hours is a bit too less :)

I think I'll blast now.
I came,I saw,I burped.
:D
I miss you.

Peace.
-32

2008-07-07T22:06:00.002+05:30

6 months.

That is half a year. :D

Sounds great.

Feels great.

I just want to tell you that I am happy,having come this far with you.

I want us to go a long,long way.

To you..

I have told you a hundred times before..

and I will tell you a thousand times more..

I love you.

And I belong to you..now,and forever.

No matter what. :)

I miss you..and I just can't wait to be with you again.

But wait I will..because it is You.

~more than words~

Peace.

-32

2008-06-30T12:00:00.001+05:30

..I will wait for you..
Cause I don’t know what else I can do
Don’t tell me I ran out of time
If it takes the rest of my life
Baby I will wait for you
If you think I find it just ain’t true
I really need you in my life..
No matter what I have to do
I’ll wait for you..

2008-06-30T11:31:00.002+05:30

Yawn,and so we start again.

Damn..the rains have just started..tell you what..I love it..its like..you can just walk in the rain and forget your miseries..

5 minutes sooner.

Came to know of statements and proclamations.

They hurt,you know,to a point where hurt has no real meaning.

I have tried my best to be different.

To be better.

Best,if possible.

Maybe I am not good enough..I wasn't born with the sort of genes that would set me on the right path always.

I was not even happy about it.

If I am called crazy over the phone,then maybe I really AM crazy.

The phone doesn't hide much.

Its only vocal,but it works wonders.

My phone has stopped ringing..I can feel the silence now.

Computers are meant to make your life better..not MISERABLE..but nobody cares..

Everybody is not the same..STOP STEREOTYPING.

Leaving all that garbage behind,I just want people to realize that the only real reason why mentalities differ from person to person is because their UPBRINGING is different.

I am a recluse..lol..proudly proclaiming to be one..so did Jammy.. :D

I have been stereotyped and now I am hurt.

I don't like that sort of crap.

Makes me feel more ordinary.

Unwanted.

Lost.

Helpless.

Defeated.

Perplexed.

Anxious.

Life moves on..We learn to do the same,since we are what our lives make us.

I am trying hard here.

No real time,you see.

I am so freaking busy,sometimes I forget the basic rule of survival..LOVE..

But I am nobody now.

I start from scratch.

ALL OVER AGAIN.

Round 2.. :)

Peace.

-32

2008-06-28T11:34:00.002+05:30

People are crazy and times are strange.

So goes a very famous song by a very famous singer.

People really are crazy,although the times are not to be blamed here.

I have this very weird habit..you know..I come online,I sit..I wait..I read..and usually,my online endeavors end in a very strange way.
"I feel bad again."
You see..I have dedicated my life to doing things I love.
Things I would wanna take ahead with me.
People whom I cherish and love.

Bah..
My head seems to be spinning.
I am a boring sort of a person.
Generally,I am at a loss of topics myself.
Lets just say that that,apparently,is a problem.

I am yours.
For now.
For ever.
Till you want it to be that way.

I'll never get bored of you.
I'll never get tired of you.
I say this with utmost conviction.
I belong to you.
You have my copyright. :D

And I love you.
Being in a new place does not change my love for you.
I'll meet new people,go new places..but I'll always be yours.
I am not going to change.

I am in this with my heart and soul.
And I see us going a long way.

Just thought I'd post this.

I love you.

Peace.

-32

2008-06-24T12:38:00.002+05:30

I am quite undecisive.

If you know me well enough,you'll know that too.

I did mention in my last post that I would be closing down the blog.

However,I haven't.

Solely because I haven't been able to decide,as to whether or not I want to let go of it.My blog is nothing special,if you think of it.But it is a place where I can write my fears.my apprehensions..well..just about anything.

A blog is meant to be your personal space.Or so it is said.Mine is a personal space,usually encroached upon by loved ones and not so loved ones(they find the link somehow).

Have you ever had this feeling of regret in your head,ever had this seering pain running through your chest,just because you thought you did something drastically wrong?

Well,I have.

You see,I make mistakes..they exceed my limit at times.

But my problem remains..I think I can do it all..I am not Superman,hell,but I wish i was..

I saw on the slide in the park last night..at around 1:30..and stared at the well lit NOFRA passage..Jammy saw me sitting there,and thinking that I was upset,messaged me asking what was wrong..The message hit me hard..I thought to myself..WHAT exactly is wrong,Akhilesh?

I didn't reply.Not that I didn't want to.But what could I say?As far as I knew,I didn't have any problems worth publicizing..

I stared at the road.They looked pale,maybe due to the streetlights.

A soft breeze followed..I just sat there..waiting..wishing..for something to happen..

A light cackle somewhere..voices of friends in the background..but inside,I wanted something to happen.

Not wanting to waste this time,I began thinking about everything I had.About mom..about home..about my bro..about everything that made me happy..

It is funny how it rains only when you are in the dullest of your moods.But I wasn't feeling low..then why does it always rain on me?

Some people say that being able to love somebody is the greatest gift.

I am gifted,then.

A few days back I had 32 all over again.It was weird,as to how far we'd come,and then tread on thin ice.

As they say,you only get one shot to do it right.

I took mine.

I believe in us..more than the sureity of the pure existence of the Earth itself..I believe in us.

I am back to normal,or well,at least I think so.

It takes enormous strength to rise,after you've taken a fall for no reason.

The following words are for somebody I know,I cherish and love more than anybody else..

Dear AJ..

I remember the last time we had an argument..I didn't know what to do,so I took it all out on my blog..You told me that I didn't need to publicly apologize as such.

This is not an apology.

We have had our share of good and bad times in the past 6 months.And sure enough,we've seen them through.

We may have had a rough patch.And maybe that made us think a lot more than we should have.

Just want you to know that we are in this together..and I am giving you all that I have..Nothing can change what we have now..Nothing can change the way I feel about you..not now,not ever..and I MEAN IT.

I love you.

2008-06-20T13:08:00.002+05:30

Yeah.

I got that.

Sorry if it made you feel any fucking different about yourself.

You know what you are.

Let's just forget about it.

Not that it matters to you..it NEVER really mattered to you.

I put my life,my emotions on the line,EVERYTIME shit like this happens..

And i'll do it again..and AGAIN..just to see you smile at the end..

Oh,also,this is my last post on this blog.
The blog closes shortly.

That is,in about 24 hours after YOU have read this message.

Peace.

Was nice knowing you.

-32

2008-06-19T08:34:00.002+05:30

Being far away from home has its drawbacks.I realized a few yesterday..

You see..I am attached to her to the point where turning back is not even an option anymore.

Its not like I am fucking crazy,thinking about her and going into depression.

Before I jumped into this,I measured the pro's and cons and did what I did.

Something that felt right back then,and something that feels right,even now.

I don't know why we have arguments that make absolutely no sense.Sometimes,we forget what we are arguing about.

But if you tell me not to take you so seriously,I am sorry..THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE.

The last 3 years of my life have been spent dreaming about you,of being with you.

I cannot go back on it.

I know it is not really required.

But you know..I am yours..and I hope you understand that it is going to stay that way no matter what..unless you want me to change it..

I'll manage myself.

I am hard enough to do that..

There will be days when it all seems hard..but I'll live.

We are in this together..no matter how distant we are from each other..

Cuz you know...Love means a lot,lot more.

I am sorry.

I Love you.

Peace.

-32

2008-06-18T14:05:00.002+05:30

2008-06-16T11:12:00.003+05:30

I don't feel too good.
Honestly,I don't.
I didn't even know what to say when I heard it.
I mean..do I really do all those things?
Love is obviously not everything.
Or so I realize..
You need that extra bit of luck.
When you have it,everything seems fine.
I really felt bad when I heard it.
I am sorry..that's how I feel.

A flurry of emotions..i really don't know what to do..
Shit happens.
It really does.
All day I think about how good it is..how special it is..
This was more like a jolt.
Its not your fault..maybe I really am the dumb kind who doesn't know what to say,or when to say it..
The fact remains..I have spent the best moments of my so called life with you..times i'll never forget..but you want it to be different..
I am this.
Its not something I think I turn into.
Akhilesh doesn't even know what he is typing anymore.
He doesn't make sense.
But he loves her.
He isn't sure of anything else,though.
Anything can happen.
Sigh..and it feels bad to know..
Its ok..I think..
Shit like this is bound to come up..sometime or the other..
I am not perfect..i don't even try to be..
But I am yours.
And you chose it to be that way..WE did.

Its ok..I think not making sense comes naturally to me.

"Being shut inside a room,the door is opened.And suddenly,you don't know where you are headed.." - Kingsley

2008-06-06T15:17:00.002+05:30

Blogging after ages.
I have been reading a lot,off late.
Ranging from Aman's blog to '8.4' by Peter Hernon.
Even my English reader..from last year..

"You can't change how you are percieved..
But you sure can change how you are presented.."

A few of my friends are still quite conscious..well..of themselves..
One of them even said that she was conscious of "sounding like a retard"..

Which makes me come to the point..

Why can't we just be ourselves?
Since when did sounding cool or looking cool matter more,than just living life?
Agreed,we are all quite young..

But then again..
Most of my peers are obsessed with either looking good,sounding good,acting good..basically,being known as the "oh-so-nice" people.
Some of them don't even qualify as people.
You know,mammals with feelings and sensibilities.

You are who you are.
You can try to hide it.
You can try to change it.
But the fact remains..you are who you are.

There was a point in time when I used to worry about what people said..
General opinions mattered more than mine..which seems crazy now..
You are living your own life..

The ones' giving you absolutely nonsensical advice tend to forget of their own internal turmoils.

"Akhilesh..do you know how low your pants are?They might fall off.."
As if i fucking care,bitch..mind your own business..

"Akhilesh..how can you talk to your teachers like that??"
They are teachers,not world leaders or over drugged psychos..
I can very well talk to them like that..I am human,so are most of them..

"Akhilesh!..you really think you can act all cool by saying shit that makes you sound all mature?"

I am not trying to sound cool.
This is how I sound.
How I write.

Being mature doesn't necessarily have anything to do with missing out on your childhood.
I am 18..I have done my fair share of "immature" things..
Calling up random people and asking them if their fridge was running,and if yes,then to run after it..

The point is..you need to snap out of temporary immaturity.
At some stage..
Your parents might pamper you..buy you gifts..treat you like a queen or a king..
Which makes facing the REAL life harder..
You can't be a child all your life.
After a certain age,you'll look like a retard.

See..

This is how I chose to live.
This is how I think.
I have my beliefs.
My ideas.
And you have no fucking right to comment on them.

Which brings me to my next point..

Love.

Half of the world doesn't even know what love means..
I am not saying I do..
but if "teenagers talking about love" really makes you cringe,Fuck Off.Period.

You see..different people have different perceptions of love.
Love could be of different kinds.
Between different individuals.

You are never really young enough to fall in love.
You are never really old enough to fall in love.

Love is not stereotypical.
Not all people,in love,think alike.
Some think differently.

There are several stages of love.
You could be falling in love,you could be madly in love,or you could be,well,in love.Simple,eh?
Not quite.

I have this friend who keeps changing her crushes every 3 or 4 days.
She even went to the extent of saying that she "loved" this new guy she saw on TV or somewhere.
Loved.
I protested..silently..
Love should not be degraded by juveniles who have mindsets that would put infants to shame.

You can only really fall in love,with the consent of the one you love.
Till then,it is just partial.
You can't fall in love with a celebrity.
You don't even fuckin' know how they live.

Love doesn't only comprise of those butterflies in your tummy.
Love points to sacrifice.
Love points to hurt.
To pain.
But that's all part of the package.

Love also means an immense feeling of belonging.
Of being loved.
Of knowing,that no matter what happens,love would be the way it is.
Strong.
Love is not cheesy.
If you think that being cheesy is bad,well,as I said before,Fuck off..you are not welcome here.
Love means looking out the window and seeing what you never saw before.
Love means living life the way you never thought you would.

Love is a strange energy.

Love can make you look good even on a bad hair day.
You might still think that this,coming from someone like me,has no real meaning.
But I have seen love.
I have felt it.

And I say again..
You are never really too young to love.
How do I know?
Well,I am in love. :)

And that's the way it stays.

Peace.

-32

2008-05-30T12:06:00.003+05:30

"The End Of The Road"

Yesterday a clear horizon
Now the clouds are rollin' in it's disappeared
The one thing that i've always believed in
It's strange how right now it all seems so unclear

I consult my soul
And it tells me that it knows There's no doubt one day
I'm gunna fly
Gotta stand up, dust myself off
Just for now
It's the end of the road

When something ends Something begins,
But now it's just the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
But now it's just the end of the road
Don't get to fix it if it doesn't break
But now it's just the end of the road
When you gotta leave
It makes you wanna stay
I know it's the end of the road
It's the end of the road

One line can change a story So sometimes let the line just be unsaid
Pride only thinks about the glory
And just the right now
And not the days ahead

I've held my breath
Walked on shells hoped for the best
What the future holds
I don't know
I've gotta stand up, dust myself off
Just for now
It's the end of the road

When something ends Something begins,
But now it's just the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
But now it's just the end of the road
Don't get to fix it if it doesn't break
But now it's just the end of the road
When you gotta leave
It makes you wanna stay
I know it's the end of the road

I've been travellin'
Get the dust right off the windshield
No one gets the road map to their life
'Cause life is so subjective
I'll take my pain and I wanna protect it
Never blinds me always reminds me
There's so much more to see
At the end of the road

When something ends Something begins
Is this the end of the road? When someone loses
Someone wins
Is this the end of the road?

When something ends Something begins,
But now it's just the end of the road
When someone loses someone wins
But now it's just the end of the road
Don't get to fix it if it doesn't break
But now it's just the end of the road
When you gotta leave
It makes you wanna stay

I know it's the end of the road..

Shit Happens..

2008-05-28T12:58:00.003+05:30

Mostly to me,so don't worry! :)

2008-05-23T13:17:00.002+05:30

Manchester United have won.
Chelsea fans,UP YOURS.

The better team always ends up winning.
We won.
Big deal,you say?
F-U-C-K YOU.

For now.

Drogba leaves.
HAHA.
With a red card for company on the flight.
Bastard.

Poor John Terry and Frankie Lampard.
Felt bad watching Terry cry.
I can understand his pain..no,I've never played and lost a Champions League Final before.
And I wont be,either.

I've booked my ticket.
13th of June.
That gives me 1 more day.
1 more day.
Just 1.

Went shopping yesterday,with mom.
Lost it after buying a pair of jeans from Levi's.
And I am not going shopping with her again.

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!
hmm..random..but i was jumping around like a kid when VDS saved Anelka's shot..YIPEEE!

There's a lot of shit going on with a close friend of mine.
A LOT OF SHIT.
and he's taking it all..for old time's sake.
He doesn't need to.

Move on man..

And never take ANY shit from women who don't really know how to think for themselves.
Taking shit from women is never worth it.
I speak with experience.

You'll get through this.
I am there,if you wanna talk again..

Board exam results came out a few days ago.
I scored a 73 in English.
73 / 100.
My lowest English marks EVER.
I was angry all morning.
I couldn't believe it.
I still can't.
Bastards must have randomly generated marks.
MOHITA GOT A 90.
She can't even spell "CONTEMPORARY".

I am not saying anything now.

BORED.

"I'll wait for you there..Like a stone.."

13th June..Mumbai..that kinda puts a smile on my face.

I wanna live life, never be cruel,

I wanna live life, be good to you.

I wanna fly, never come down,

And live my life,

And have friends around.

We never change, do we?

We never learned to leave,

So I wanna live in a wooden house,

I wanna live life, always be true,

I wanna live life, and be good to you,

I wanna fly, and never come down,

And I live my life, and have friends around.

We never change do we? No, no,

We never learned to bleed,

So I wanna live in a wooden house,

Making more friends would be easy.

O I don't have a show to say,

Yes, and I sing of a single day,

We never change do we?

We never learned to leave.

So, I wanna live life in a wooden house,

Making more friends would be easy,

I wanna live where the sun comes out ..

Time out..i need a break..

Peace.
-32

2008-05-19T13:29:00.001+05:30

Lol..its 11 am and i JUST woke up..my alarm is funny,you know..it is supposed to sound like a firealarm but it ends up sounding like a wet cat meowing for fish..
anyway..Monday..
Vibhav and Melvin might be up at Veegaland.. :)
Yesterday was bloody boring..like the day before..
i lost 1 and a half kgs..and no,that's not bad..i plan to lose more..

Oh..am listening to this song called "Aag Ka Dariya" by Dr Zeus and some chap and Yana Gupta..YEAH..she sings..lol..but nah..it ain't bad..the song is quite catchy..contemporary Indi-pop..

India lost 1-2 to Argentina in the Sultan Azlan Shah Cup Final.
Sigh..i thought it was ours this time..anyway..it is way,way better than what we did under that nutcase Gill..

Was up till 4 last night..watched "She's the Man"..and X Men..listened to some music..stuff I otherwise wouldn't bother listening to..Irene Cara.. :)

I'll be leaving for Mumbai on the 12th of June.
Dates have been revised.

wait..damn..i need to have a bath..
but naah..the bath,my friends,can wait..

I spoke to Nondy a few days back..she had a fight with Aman..
well..SHE did..he didn't..
at times,i feel Nondy is very fickle minded..which is a trait I hate..especially in women..
you know..it is irritating..either you stay with what you said earlier or you DON'T SAY ANYTHING AT ALL.

A majority of the girls i know are fickle minded..
indecisive..
which is frustrating..am not saying guys don't have problems..but hell..this one..hmm..

Can't wait to get out of this dump and have a LIFE of my own.
It wont be easy.
I DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT.

I'll find out.
Some way,or the other..

Kaush is out of station..
Marcus will be quite down..it is understandable..don't worry..she'll be back :)

Even Ambika ain't here..
Chand's lost somewhere in the state..
Well..everyone else is busy..with something or the other..

sigh..

Oh..yeah..last night,at the dinner table,mom asked me some questions..weird..but then again,i think she wanted to know now..according to her,"I wont have any time to spend with you once you are off to college"
well..yeah..she's right..

so..the questions..
1>You being my sensible boy,tell me..what qualities do you look for in a girl?
2>Tell me 5 things you want to do before you die..
3>What,according to you,is the perfect age for marrying?

Three questions which made me stare at my plate.

Well..they are quite easy questions,you know..and I do have the answers.. but yesterday was something else..

bah..dinner table convos really freak me out..and on top of that,my attempts at trying to go unnoticed rarely work..
I am the younger one..more likely to be bombarded by those very very strange questions my mom shoots..

Sleep is not a drug.

Priya didi won an all expenses paid trip to KL.
Lucky,I might say.
She's always been lucky.

She got married to a rich American.
No wait,that's not luck.It was more like "LOVE"
She's got the MOST ADORABLE little baby girl in the world.
That's not luck either.
She's got a beautiful house in Chicago.
Not luck,eh?
She cooks like a professional chef.
No luck there.
She sings very well.
No..no luck.
She works for L&T as a JCEO.
No luck.Hardwork.
She calls me Akku.
No luck.No luck.
Her husband,Jeff,is an amazing dude..
JEFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF! lol
Nah.

So then,why does she always SEEM to have the luck?
KL..sigh..i wish i could go there one day..
anyway..
i think i'll go have that bath :)

Peace.
-32

2008-05-15T21:16:00.002+05:30

I am back.
Its been some time since I last blogged.

Not that i don't have the time..

Just don't have the patience.. :)

"And he watched,with fear in his eyes,as the old man flung his old book out of the window,screaming "Mento le quere da litavi..keesto!".
The boy was terrified now.
He wanted to be dead,more than anything..
Dead. "

Last night,I was up thinking about..well..ME..
I know..a very,very strange topic..

you see..I don't like myself much..
I believe I am crude,rude,egoistic,at times self centered,ignorant..and a lot,lot more..

Life seemed easy as a kid.
You really didn't have to bother much.
At least,I didn't.

Would spend my BEST time in school.
Come home,have a LOT of food..
and then sit down in front of the TV..
sigh..Johnny Quest,Swat Kats,The Flintstones,Dexter(and the Justice League and Monkey!)..
ah..
I would sit glued,oblivious to the many flies that would fly around the house..
Dad would laugh at how hard it was to make me move from that position till it was 7..
He didn't mind..lol..I was a studious kid,you know..
I did my homework religiously..
Did whatever my parents asked me to..
In short,I was the perfect "mommas' boy!"..

but then again..shit happens..
well..A LOT OF SHIT HAPPENS..

Not that I would want to wake up one day,having mysteriously re-acquired my learning skills..now,that would be a big problem,no?

I speak to a lot of people..mostly adults..ONLY adults,about how much they really like their life..whether or not they think they have accomplished whatever they set out to do..
A few 'Amen!' 's here and there..not a considerable number..
the point being..
people usually hate talking about their lives..
and technically speaking,its quite easy to understand..
you see,some people don't have all the luck..
not everyones' blessed with wonderful lives..
some people have problems at home..
some have problems at their workplaces..

I want to be a somebody,someday.
I want to have a happy,successful life.
A loving family.
A job,that would involve doing things that i love doing..

I don't want to be famous..
hell no..by somebody,i mean..have a decent life..

Sounds easy..not quite,as i am usually told..
but then again..there are things you have to work on..
you make sacrifices..you live by them..
you take decisions..
you make your rules..and you abide by them..

I really don't know what the future holds..
For all I know,I could be a rich oil baron someday..
or I could be a crazy lunatic who lost his job..

Whatever..

But well..
I am Akhilesh Ramachandran.
I wasn't born this way.
I was made this way.

I have seen a lot in life.
I have had to comprehend certain inconsolable loses.
I have seen hard times.
I have seen the VERY hard times.
But i've lived..
and i intend to live..

MY WAY.

I am Akhilesh Ramachandran.
People have things to say about me..
I am not saying I am famous.
I hate boasting.
I am this.
This is ME.

Again..
I am Akhilesh Ramachandran.
I may not be perfect,but I have my ideals.
I have my morals.
I have some trace of my father's intelligence.
I am not what your mom said you would find on the roads.
I agree,I am only 18.
But do not think I really AM 18.
I have my age shifts..
I act 25..I act 5.
The fact remains..
I can think about stuff you never thought you would have to think about at this age..hell..EVER.

This is not enlightenment time.
This is what I call Blogging.

Be happy you know.

Peace.
-32

2008-05-12T15:04:00.006+05:30

I am thinking of shutting down my blog.
Honestly,the whole "i need to vent my frustration" bit doesn't work all that well when you try to put them into words.
I am still thinking.
Its hard to make such decisions.
This,as a matter of fact,is my sixtieth post.
Now,I don't know about you but it seems quite long to me.

As the drop fell into the ocean,a change took place.
The drop wasn't made of what the ocean was.
The drop was the ocean.
The ocean was the drop.
Then why did the drop fall?
Why was it so easy?
Why did we never realize that tomorrow,we would be drops ourselves?

Climbing onto the terrace is challenging.
It is quite funny,really.
The last time I did that,I fell so hard that my hip still sings "Broken" when I do the crazy Shevchenko jig.
In key,too.

I woke up late today.
The usual.
Slept peacefully last night..We Are The Champions! :)

I watched the game with Kaale.
At my place..was fun,really.
And then the walk from my place to the gate.
The time,close to 11 pm.
Kaale going nuts.
Me,clicking pics.

Chelsea didn't play well..I saw the highlights of their game.

oh..hehe..i got a call from Ryan in the morning..and how she started off.."Its been a long,long time mister!"
I didn't know who it was..I was guessing..strangely so,I guessed right.
"RYAN CHECHHHHHHIIIIIII!!!"
haha..it gets her so pissed off..muahahaha!
it pays to be young..or so i like to believe.. ;)

I miss you.
Loads.

Its time i left the past behind.
My mug wont come back.
I'll just have to look out for another one.

Peace,fellow mortals!

-32

2008-05-11T15:34:00.000+05:30

There's a time for us to let go
There's a time for holding on
A time to speak, a time to listen
There's a time for us to grow

There's a time for laying low down
There's a time for getting high
A time for peace, a time for fighting
A time to live, a time to die

A time to scream, a time for silence
A time for truth against the lie
A time for faith, a time for science
There's a time for us to shine

There's a time for disbelieving
There's a time to understand
A time for hurt, a time for healing
A time to run, and make a stand

This is the time
Of our lives...

Ever wondered why the mistakes you made never went unnoticed?
Ever wondered why the mistakes you made were never really yours?

I haven't.
Because,I know..there is absolutely no point.

I woke up thinking,"Well..today is the day.."..

I usually have dreams.
Strange dreams.
Happy dreams.
Sad dreams.

Dreams that make me sit and up and think..

I am tired.
Very tired.

Its like,all my energy has been sapped.

I want something..anything.

Far,far away,from our world,is a place we COULD have called home.

I am 32.

Whatever happens in my life is quite different from what its perceived as.

Most people don't know.
Most people don't wish to know.

Randomly,I break out.
I break within.

Sometimes I act scared.
Sometimes I am scared.

I am 32.

You don't wish to read any further.
You don't have to read any further.

Coffee mugs aren't available here.
A pity.

I am all messed up at this point.
This point.
Which point?

THIS point.

Right here.

I really have no idea.

I am just typing whatever comes into my head.

There's a verbal instigation against me,somewhere.

I am not your dog.
I am not YOUR dog either.
I HAVE FEELINGS TOO.

If you care to know,I am different from the other guys.

But,hey,who cares,right?

I DO.

So,I say..Let's just leave the dumbass to himself.
Maybe he needs time.
Maybe he needs a lot more than time.

But he'll make do with what he has.

I have been shot once before..Right through here..
It hurt.

It hurt bad.
Then I picked myself up.
With help from some buddies.

I am 32.
Pleased to meet you.

Peace.
-32

2008-05-11T12:51:00.001+05:30

I am sorry.

I don't know why.

But I am.

Peace
-32

2008-05-10T21:22:00.000+05:30

Bored.

United play Wigan tomorrow.
JJB.

Lord,have mercy.

Peace.

-32

2008-05-10T02:25:00.000+05:30

its 3 am..and i am lying here,next to..well..nobody..what'cha gonna do ? :D
hmm..its not really 3 am..2:26 am..quite close,no?

hmm..went to school..met most of the teachers..felt nice.. :)
did absolutely nothing..before going to school,that is..
school was kinda fun..because i was running away from Sreeni..because i was listening to Suparna ma'am..because i was staring at the old water cooler that suddenly started working..sigh..school..I WANT.. :(
but then again..most of the good things come to an end..well..yeah..its true..
my highlights from the 3 years i spent in this school..

1.Introducing.........ALL KERALA! :D
2.Met a certain angel named AJ..now..that overshadows everything else.. :D
3.Telling Sreeni on his face that I wouldn't be writing his articles FOR HIM anymore.. :)
4.Bunking ALL of Beena's periods..
5.The competitions.. :)
6.The deep,deep trouble i usually got myself into..
7.House Matches.. :D
8.Made loads of friends..some who i know will be there,till the very end.. :)
9.Listening to Maiden in the music room,while the other suckers were at the class learning WEIRD chemistry.. ;)
10."Borrowing" the good books from the library.. haha! :D
11.Winning Delta,and the fiasco that followed :)
12.Telling Alka Mary Mathew how i felt about her,on her face..HELL YEAH!
13.Walking out of the class as Reena entered..lmao!

hmm..lol..can't really remember much..HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG?! :S

i just miss school..that's all..

hmm..
Shas,this is for you..

You see..no matter what you do..no matter where you go..there'll always be people who say that what you're doing is wrong..thats just the way life is..we all learn to deal with it,someday..you will,too..
getting bogged down due to some comments shouldn't even be an option..
I firmly believe that what you have here is strong,all right..I think I know well enough to spot the "real" thing in the eyes of people..
And this is genuine..
So,Shas..you might get absolute shit from a lot of people who might think that you've lost it..trust me,you'll hear that for some time..DON'T GIVE A LIONS ASS ABOUT IT..
The ones who truly believe every word of yours,on this matter,and who stand by you..now,THEY are your real friends..not the ones who turn their backs when all you need is a little support..
So,I say again..
The next time you hear crap like that,don't give it a second thought..They don't know him like they think they do..and YOU do..you both are in this together..and what the world says shouldn't really matter..
It'll last a long,long time..
Trust me,it will :)

I think that's about it for now..
I'll take some sleep..hmm..
g'night,mortals..

-32

2008-05-07T19:42:00.000+05:30

well..i just came online..
slept like there was no tomorrow..i usually don't sleep so much..don't really know why i did,today..
Bank = Money = ATM = Away from home. :(

Today,I realized something..that most of what we do,for people we know and care about,rarely suffices.
But then again..there's always another sunrise..another dream..
another attempt at doing even more..or trying to..without much success..

I might not sound like myself today..excuse me..i rarely tend to deviate from my true,happy self..but then..shit happens.."usually to me,so don't worry"..

(1 star,2 stars..and then we see the Universe littered with stars..one of them is me..one of them is you)

How about a rewind button?I really could use a rewind button..set a lot of wrongs right..do a lot more wrong..and then,some years on,ask for another rewind button..

Losing something i really love..now..that's something not so alien to me..

R.I.P. , My Calvin & Hobbes Cup.

You've been my buddy for 13 years..you,me,and off late,Coffee..sigh..i'll miss you,my good friend..I'll always keep your remains.. :)

Today was a horrible day.

S hmm..i really don't feel like writing anymore.
Hope Mark and Kaush have a lot of fun tomorrow.
Praying that you guys stay the same..and be there for each other..forever..
you will..and i am re-assured everytime i speak to either one of you about the other..
hmm..Kaush..as i had told you before..i think you guys make an awesome couple..
both of you are understanding,caring,friendly people..who,well,have each other..
i couldn't be happier for you guys..well..i could..and Kaush knows WHEN..but yeah..i pray all the time for you guys..hoping you both go a long,long way in life..get what you want..staying happy..and of course,have each other.. :)
Today,well..yes..today..7th of May..precisely 4 months since i asked Ankita out..well..we've made 4 months allright..i hope there are many,many more to come..
hmm..congrats to you..4 months of ME is something NOBODY would like to handle..well..you've done that..with relative ease..
and thank you..for making me smile even during weird hours of the day..
and letting me be yours..well..that was all i had ever wanted for the past 3 years..and it happened..4 months ago..so..yeah..am happy..for you..for me..for us..

hmm..bah..i finally heard my Toshiko Akiyoshi collection today..yaay,is all i can say..BRILLIANT,also..
so..i think i'll blast..bad days have ends too.. :)

cheers!
and i hope you got what you want..
-32

2008-05-05T16:46:00.000+05:30

hmm..yet another day..
sigh..BORING..
considering deleting my blog..now,that's how bored i am..

was up till late last night..watching movies..lol..must have had enough lemonade to last me for the next 14 years..
*Mr Burns* Exxccceeellennnt!

LOL..got a scrap from a strange woman in the morning..
pity..some people have eyes..some are blind (i pray for them) and then,some misuse their visual capabilities..
"ur so cute:)",it seems..
hell no..i am not fishing for compliments..FFC,as Ami says.. :) trust me..say "you are fishing for compliments" or anything on those lines and i swear to God i'll beat the living shit out of you..no matter who you are..boy,girl,"madhya varg ke vyakti"..who-the-eff-ever it is..you're in for serious shit,if you say that..I MEAN IT.
i don't care if you think i am cute..i don't care if you think i am a jerk..fuckin hell i don't care if you think i have ego problems and need to travel all the way to Chad to see the world famous Tribal king.
I JUST DON'T CARE..
I DIDN'T CARE BEFORE..
I DON'T CARE NOW..
AND SURE AS HELL I WONT CARE IN THE FUTURE.

Lol..Taarika said that female looked scary..i didn't realize..so i made my way up to her album..damn..there was this cute baby pic..and one more..before i knew it,i'd found 7 baby pics of the same baby..hell..even i don't have those many baby pics anymore :(
i used to be a baby too,you know..fat,with button eyes..and i loved Cerelac.. :)

I really don't know why i am even typing all this shit in here..
well,maybe that's why i thought of deleting my blog,because now i have a tendency to write whatever is in my head..which is kinda insane,if you ask me..

LOL..is all i can say..
Chelsea play Newcastle today..and like every year,i am gonna say,"GO MAGPIES!"
Hope i can watch the game "LIVE" with Kaale..now,that would be fun..true,Chelsea don't have a Bramble..but hey..they have some other weird shits in there.. :D

sorry for stealing this.. "Chelsea..New Castle..1 match..1 loss..n itz all overr!!"

hmm..
Finally my leg moves.
And it is my right leg..all the more reason to be scared..but hey..getting hurt sometimes isn't all that bad..

I'll be off to Mumbai most probably by the 28th..the flight ticket's been booked by now,i hope..mom's doing it,so i SURE do hope it gets booked..
Mumbai..
Rolly tells me its not the same..
i believe him..why wouldn't I..he has always made sense..
he still does..

I wanna meet Alochan..Locha..been ages man..sigh..can't really wait.. :)
Himanshu..you dog..SAVE ME THE PEPSI! :P

I also wanna meet the marker..of the Badminton court..damn..that guy has done LOOOADSS for me..right from the time when i was a bloody nobody picking up the racket(years back)..to winning my first major tournament..to being selected for the IMSC and then the School team..sigh..he's one awesome chap..

I hope Gogu still has my "32" jersey..his mom says "Bete,Gogu uses that as a "poche ka kapda" "..haraami.. :X

I gave my Reebok trainer boots to Nimit..old ones..received as a token of appreciation from the one and only Abujam..I WANT THEM BACK TOO :P

dhao reached Delhi..sigh..sad that he had to leave..then again..EVERYONE is leaving..

oh..LOL..was watching that SouthPark video on YouTube..HILARIOUS.."Uncle F*cker"..hehe

looking at the possibilities now,Bagan doesn't seem such a bad option i think..
Fardi and Bunka played there..big players no? Gogu,you reading this? :D

oh..lol..it is a pity..i took over Arsenal..FIFA 07..13 years ahead..I took over Arsenal..
and NO ONE WANTS TO JOIN THAT BLOODY CLUB!
even a relatively NOBODY like Park Chu Young is asking for $20 million..
WHAT THE **** IS WRONG WITH YOU!?
ACCEPT THE BLOODY FRIGGIN CONTRACT YOU SHITHEAD!
but no...he doesn't..
hmm..bad idea coming to Arsenal in the first place..Fabregas is STILL playing..in his 30's now..i make sure he comes on in the 89th minute of EVERY match..personal grudge,you wont get it..

hmm..that's about it i guess..
Coffee mugs stare at me as i enter my kitchen.
Strange..it seems more evident now..

Am sorry,Mr.Coffee Beans maker..I have decided that our alliance,one that lasted almost 9 years,is over.
Moreover,I would really like it if you took your lazy ass out of the kitchen.
Thank You.

hmm..

People are crazy and times are strange.

Sleep really helps heal wounds..physical..and mental too :)
oh..and another thing..I expect too much.. :)

-32

2008-05-04T13:57:00.000+05:30

"Dear Scene,I Wish I Were Deaf"
-Nightmare Of You

You were one step behind in that dismal school of mine
Needle and percocet instead of books on students desks
We were so charming, but the future was alarming
And now don't you go look so proud
Yes, guess who's laughing now?

And we've learned that life is one big game
Where the winners are all getting paid
So stop dragging your feet behind
You can't live with the folks all your life
So on those days home in your car
We jerked the steering wheel to the median
Joking that we'd end our lives
But we weren't joking all the time ..

"Start a band or throw a brick"
You lazy hipsters make me sick
Don't clap your hands; don't start to dance
Don't let them know that you're a fan ..

You may be living in Manhattan
But where are you really from? (Have you forgotten?)
Kid, you may be playing your music loud
But it's drowned out by your mouth ..

:D
yaay..lol..i can't stop singing this song..fun..loads of fun.. :D
oh..it is from FIFA 07,btw..
:)

Cheers!

-32(now,Doormat)

2008-05-02T23:04:00.000+05:30

Now that we've already started this weird little inconsequential visit to the land of absolute nonsense,isn't it time we returned to our old,cranky but true selves?

Right.

Coming to the point..

There is none.

That's the point.
Ever felt the need for the world to open up,let you have an insight into what you could never really own?

Ah...as I expected..Nor have I.

When days do go by so quickly,you begin to wonder if life really meant all but eating food you always thought was good for you.
As I did mention..this is utter nonsense.
No wait..I didn't mention that.

Coffee and I have a bond so strong,maybe breaking it is the only option.
My only choice of survival.
Some doc's say that my headaches are caused by the LACK of caffeine intake.

BULLSHIT,Mr."OH I AM A MBBS WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?"

Now..we have a point.

I do a pretty good Mr.Burns voice. :)

I tried Bart..too squeaky for me.

2nd May and we have a winner!

Akhilesh M Ramachandran..you,my friend,are the lucky winner of pure air from Nature (all rights reserved..REVERSED,rather)..

I have the right to remain SILENT!

..or maybe have Lasagna that mom made last night..*mmmm..Lasagna*

Around the world,Ar-round the world..

"When I get to College,you will be the first one I'll meet.."

Oh no you don't !

My thoughts are subject to change.
Physical,mental and spiritual.

Some things in life DON'T deserve that dumb Royale wall finish.
I mean it.
It looks pathetic.
I asked Aicha..she said she hated her new shade of "What The Fuck" Green..pity..

bah..and talk about being random..
I like this..seems quite natural..

Yes..I have returned to my shell.
You may visit me on April Fool's day next year.
That's the national "HAHA" day..
International..

Hmm..maybe i should go to sleep..
See yeah..all of yeah..
including you at the back..dude..i mean..COME ON!..

Thank You.

-32

...

2008-05-02T19:17:00.000+05:30

"How To Save A Life"
-The Fray

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came..

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend..
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life..

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend..
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life..

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend..
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life..

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life..
How to save a life..

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend..
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend..

Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
How to save a life.. :(

2008-05-01T13:56:00.000+05:30

hmm..back after a long,long break..
i basically have nothing to do..

*thinks hard*

Sir Alex Ferguson may one day remember it as the prelude to his finest hour; the rest of us will consider it the siege of Old Trafford or the night when Manchester United took on Lionel Messi for a place in the European Cup final. The little Argentine might just have done it on his own were it not for the extraordinary contribution of Paul Scholes, whose goal pitched a match, a night, the whole history of his famous club into a thrilling new chapter.

At last, after nine years and too many disappointments to recount, there is a second European Cup final for Ferguson in Moscow on 21 May. Ferguson who has had many great nights at Old Trafford but perhaps few as momentous as this, his 700th win in charge of United. Like the rest of us he will probably wonder in private how United survived a pounding from a Barcelona team led by Messi that was unrelenting and pitiless. Usually the history of United dictates that they conjure something miraculous on nights such as these, but for much of this game it was just simple endurance.

That and one moment of brilliance from Scholes who, with the swipe of his right foot, hit a swerving shot that faded away from Victor Valdes and into the top corner of the Barcelona goal on 14 minutes. Scholes missed the triumph of 1999 through suspension and, at 33, seemed to be running out of time before he served a reminder of his fabulous talent last night. Not that he cares what anyone else thinks.

In the explosion of joy that engulfed Old Trafford on the final whistle, and the supporters who forgot themselves and dared to pat Ferguson on the head as he left his seat, it did not matter that this season's final will be the first all-English occasion in the history of the tournament. Chelsea or Liverpool is a matter for tonight; yesterday was about United taking a step closer to that place they call the promised land at Old Trafford. Because the club's third final means everything for United's self-esteem and Ferguson's place in the ages.

To understand United, you have to get to grips with their insecurities about the European Cup and Liverpool's five triumphs in the competition which eat away at the confidence of the club that likes to think it has it all. That was why the celebrations were fierce but brief and the United team made a point of leaving the pitch almost immediately. That indicated that the job was far from done. Later when Ferguson surfaced in the press room he slumped back in his chair, his jacket discarded. He looked exhausted.

In fact, he looked exactly like a 66-year-old man who had seen Messi almost single-handedly destroy everything he had cherished and hoped for. This was a night for Ferguson's foot-in merchants and hustlers, when he had to rely on Rio Ferdinand and Wes Brown in the centre of defence and then Michael Carrick in front of it. They stopped or slowed Barcelona every way they could, sometimes with judicious fouls, but so what? An old street fighter of English football like Ferguson knows that sometimes you have to hang on by the fingernails and offer a little prayer to the gods.

Perhaps also to the memory of the men who perished in Munich 50 years ago in February, to whom this final pays eloquent tribute. The lost Busby Babes would have recognised more of the indefatigable spirit of youth in Messi than anyone else, the 20-year-old demonstrating to Cristiano Ronaldo exactly what it means to dominate a match of critical importance.

In the end what undid Barcelona was a tendency to regard the act of goalscoring as an optional conclusion to football of stunning quality, rather than the ultimate purpose to what they were doing. At times you had to wonder whether they regarded entrance to United's penalty area as dependent on some visa they had not yet obtained. In any event, Samuel Eto'o was desperately disappointing and had Thierry Henry, introduced after an hour, played from the start this game might well have been different.

Ferguson woke up yesterday trying to imagine the biggest game of his season without the injured Wayne Rooney and Nemanja Vidic. He switched Owen Hargreaves to right-back and the midfielder was excellent again; he chose a 4-4-2 formation instead of 4-5-1, but it was not United who made the running.

"Believe" was the word picked out in coloured paper held up by United fans in the East stand. And believe they had to as Messi drew a foul from Scholes on the very edge of the United area with only 36 seconds on the clock. Yet for all Barcelona's breathless passing it was United who shot on sight of goal on 14 minutes. Ferdinand brought the ball out of defence, exchanged passes and played the ball in to Ronaldo, who was dispossessed by Gianluca Zambrotta. The Italian lost his balance in the act and struck his pass to the feet of Scholes, 25 yards out. Even then it was hardly an invitation to a tap-in but Scholes, who could knock a bird's nest out a tree at 50 paces, found the corner perfectly.

For a brief flurry after that United had chances. But this was Messi's game, a 57 per cent possession count in Barcelona's favour, and they fought back even after United had reasserted themselves in the early stages of the second half as Carlos Tevez's shot was saved by Valdes on 57 minutes.

As they threw on Henry, Bojan Krkic and Eidur Gudjohnsen, the attacking possibilities became endless for Barcelona, but the outcome achingly predictable. This was Ferguson stepping closer to Bob Paisley's three European Cups and Brian Clough's tally of two, although that will not have crossed his mind in the closing, frantic stages. He will just have been praying that the red line held strong on this night of all nights.

So,Moscow it is.

May 21.

Manchester United vs Chelsea FC

A fight for the biggest honour in club football.
For some,a fight for EVERYTHING.

Glory,glory Man United!

-32

2008-04-23T21:20:00.001+05:30

"Carry You Home"

Trouble is her only friend and he's back again.
Makes her body older than it really is.
She says it's high time she went away,
No one's got much to say in this town.
Trouble is the only way is down.
Down, down..

As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.

If she had wings she would fly away,
And another day God will give her some.
Trouble is the only way is down.
Down, down..

As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home.

And they were all born pretty in New York City tonight,
And someone's little girl was taken from the world tonight,

Under the Stars and Stripes.

As strong as you were, tender you go.
I'm watching you breathing for the last time.
A song for your heart, but when it is quiet,
I know what it means and I'll carry you home.
I'll carry you home..

2008-04-23T12:42:00.000+05:30

Yesterday was yesterday.
Today isn't today.

It doesn't make sense.
I rarely do.

Had the 2nd leg of my KERALA ENTRANCE yesterday.
Sounds like a bloody Champions League fixture..2 legs..
It wasn't great..then again,I didn't even study for it..
I DON'T HAVE TO.

Mathematics and Akhilesh have never really liked each other,for reasons unknown to mankind.
Back in the 5th grade,Akhilesh had a very weird experience..he got 34/40 for Mathematics..the first time he went below 38 for a subject.. :D
Heartbroken,he vowed to fight against this injustice..the year went by peacefully..he managed to go back to his own ways..
and then,he moved away from the place that had taught him..well..NOTHING,in general..
but..i feel quite sad to say that I've never even touched a 95% since 6th grade..it sucked in the beginning..but yeah,i got used to it..
and now,we crave for the 80's and 85's..right,kaale.. :D

hmm..I am really bored at the moment..finally got some songs and pics into my cell..pics..yeah..about 30 odd pics..AJ's..hehe..at least i can see her when i want to.. :P

I was overwhelmed when i heard "Carry you Home" for the first time..reminded me of Trisha Kulkarni,ex Bombay Scottish..R.I.P.
It made so much sense..like..it was made for her..she was a great person..sadly,cancer affects the best of people..in this case,her..

May your soul rest in peace.

United Barca face off tonight.
Am waiting..

I met Lonai at South yesterday..funny..i still can't believe he's from Choice..i mean..seriously..by far the most friendly guy i've come across..considering the fact that we don't know each other that well..but we spoke for some 15 odd minutes like buddies..good to know that the world has nice people..here and there..

Blogging is a very fine way to ease the frustrations of your daily life.Or so it is said.

The above crap is all random.

No,its not.

D.Mitra will clear IIT.
I know it..she hates football..bloody Tottenham supporter..am sure she's never even heard of it..but who cares..she's D.Mitra Berbatov..bad day at the office for Berba,and he catches the next flight to kochi to write a competitive exam.

Strange.

I have cold.
I remember the last time i had a cold.
LOL.
Am sure someone else does,too.
I apologize,again.

*mwah*

Am praying for you kaale..you'll get through NDA..am sure you will..and then you can have a house in KB some years later and you can invite me for the Navy Ball.. :P

"Being away from your home and your loved ones makes you strong..builds up your armor."

Finally,after cribbing and acting all cranky for days(and having suffered multiple headaches at once..impossible,but true),i get my coffee reenforcement.
I will never smoke.
I will never consume alcohol. (knowingly)
I will never do drugs.
But I'll always have coffee.
It is a part of me now.
I know it is bad for my health.

32

2008-04-20T15:39:00.000+05:30

Sahaj left today morning..I met him yesterday..didn't feel too good..i really felt bad for him..but then again,everyone has to leave..
I cried..i really don't know why..i'll miss him..my newest buddy..hope you do well in life..you will,i know..

Pune..the poor guy doesn't even know anybody there..sigh..well..you'll end up making new friends..better than the ones' you had here.. :)

was sick yesterday..my head was spinning,and for one moment i thought i saw the white light..nah..i opened my eyes to see the tubelight..so bah..

damn..just about a month or so to go..and then,all of us go different ways..
i'll miss kaush..and chand..and vibhav..and melvin..and ambika..hell..everyone..
but i think i'll miss Kaush,Chand and Vibhav the most..

Kaush..hmm..my BEST friend..i can count on her to be there for me even at 4 in the morning..the only person who would do that..am gonna miss you soo much,like i've never missed anyone before..hope you and Marcus(:D) end up in the same place..some people have all the luck,right.. :P
lol..i just wish that we keep in touch..wouldn't i wanna meet your kids in the future? :D

Vibhav..lol..as i am writing this,he's answering his NDA paper..hope you clear it man..i really pray for you all the time..i want you to clear it..just hope and pray...it'll all work out..

Chand..you'll do well,no matter where you go..PLEASE JOIN XAVIER'S..i don't know if i'll make it myself,but yeah..hope i do..and hope you do too.. :D

My head still doesn't feel right..i've been reading a lot of late..
I need some more coffee..haven't had a cup in 2 days..NOOO!
and i want Lays..
and i want sleep..

yeah..that's all i want..coffee,lays and sleep..life never had anything more to give to mere mortals like me..so,if the lays isn't available,i'll just consider it my shitty luck and make do with coffee and sleep..but if its' coffee,then there's no sleep..hmm..wonder who the hell programmed my brain..or well,FORGOT to program it..

KAUSH..DON'T GO TOO FAR AWAY OR I'LL KILL YOU..

hmm..Kiah asked me last evening why i was infatuated with the number 32..she's leaving too..lol..happy for her..and to think of it,i hate her..so,there..

We make our own ways..
and sometimes,we get so caught up in the journey,
That we forget all about the way we chose..

I feel bad..suddenly..what do they mean by "Post Operation Delusion"?
hallucination or something?

I found a piece of paper yesterday..it said,"To the heavens,we look..To the stars,we wish..To the heights,we hope..To the depths,we reach..and finally..we turn into what we believe is the closest to US"
It might not make any sense..it does to me..so i don't care if nobody gets it..IT IS MY EFFIN BLOG,MORONS..

oh yeah..another thing..and this is on a more serious note..I write what i want,when i want..i don't need to explain anything..to anyone..so,if any of this seems rude or strange,DONT ASK..i won't clarify..

Manchester United 1 - 1 Blackburn Rovers

United played the brand of football that's usually seen in the Championship.
Being a hardcore United supporter,it pained me to see the sort of play I would brand "appalling".There was absolutely NO enthusiasm,NO attack,and rueful defending.
Maybe it is the nerves,before a big game next week.Whatever it was,the fact that it took ages for United to equalize showed the defensive,if not overall frailties of the team in general shows that the team depends heavily on a select few players.Wayne Rooney,Carlos Tevez and Cristiano Ronaldo,to be precise.If they don't fire,United doesn't fire.Cristiano,with all due respect,couldn't even be compared to his opposing number,David Bentley.
Either SAF rests the major players before a big game(vs Barcelona),or he plays a FULL STRENGTH SQUAD.He usually resorts to the latter.
And that's where the whole problem sets in.Wayne Rooney is,without doubt,injured,and most probably be available for the Barca game.

Waiting for Chelsea next week.That game shall decide if we successfully defend the title,or not.

OneUnited.

AJ..take care..and study hard..you'll do good.

anyway..i am off now..

Peace,friends..am always gonna be there..that's my job,isn't it? albeit without much recognition..but that's not the point..i'll be there..

-32

This is Trance. :)

2008-04-15T13:28:00.000+05:30

I spent the whole morning listening to some really good trance music.
To tell you the truth,although its not up there with the likes of Jazz and Metal,it can still entertain you for hours.

Likewise,trance music sounds best when listening to it in a 'happyful' mood.. :D

Try listening to "For an Angel" and "Time of Our Lives" by Paul van Dyk..that should get you started.. :)

hmm..let me see now..spent my evening at Katari Bagh yesterday..a certain waste of an evening..the only highlight was seeing Dhruv smile..i spoke to him..i think it made the both of us feel better..connect better..
Death is hard to cope with..you fail to comprehend the magnitude of the situation till it actually happens to someone you love..someone with whom,you've spent years and years,growing up..watching them watch you..learning from them..listening to them..telling them..

I just hope the One above gives Dhruv and his family all the strength to get through this tough time.

May his mom's soul rest in peace.

Katari Bagh..one crazy place..a few nice people there..the rest of them are all fakes..complete fakes..but,bah..who cares..
spoke to the dumb flower yesterday..and i am actually wondering.."WHY,AKHILESH!?WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GO AND SPOIL THIS PERFECT ENMITY YOU HAD BY SPEAKING TO HER?!!!?"

Honestly,i don't like her one bit..she gets on my nerves..she is by far,the most bitchy,self centered,dumb,stupid blonde-class female i have come across..I could see the glint of ANGER in Kaale's eyes as she went on and on yesterday..about..well..HERSELF..her favorite one liner.."I am the best,ok?"
oh..sure..as you say..*jumps off cliff*

I swear..had Kaale known Eishna for long,he would actually have thwacked her right across her face..she would have deserved it too..

I was actually hungry yesterday..I couldn't believe it..i really couldn't...but i was..water just doesn't work all the time.. :)
Just happened to look at my IIT question paper..I realized that I had one MORE correct answer.. :D But i'll end up getting something like -200 ..so it doesn't matter..

Waiting for VITEEE..it is the ONLY engg. exam i am interested in giving..the rest are all..well..shit..
besides..I figured out..a few days back,that is..that engg. is not my bottle of orange juice..i might actually kill myself rather than learn organics like a nut for the years to come..I can't..I am gonna do something I WANT TO DO..something that wouldn't tax my brain as much science has..
am still considering all my options..a Bachelor's in Management Studies from the Leeds Univ...the problem is,I'll be all alone in Racism Country Capital..Brown kid beaten to death for avoiding tackles from 5 hefty white defenders.. :D
that's not the prob..lol...i just don't wanna be soo far away from home..i mean..after all,i am a mallu kid.. :P

BMM,St. Xaviers..they call it a Rich Kids Course..that's cuz most of the kids taking it are effin rich with a lotta other stuff to do..so bull to them..

A Bachelors in IT..again..either Mumbai or Bangalore..can't see any other college around that can do me any good..

well..MBA in the next 5 years..that's certain.. :)

My w200i is the cutest phone..i mean..its so cute.. :D
lol..

the last one week was..umm..enlightening,really.. :)
Thanks,AJ.. *mwah*

well..that's about it,i guess..Che called in the morning to give me the news..my appeal has been rejected by the TATA academy..health reasons,they say..sigh..bah..if it wasn't meant to be,it wasn't meant to be..
But trust me..I'll make it big one day..one fine day..in some field,or the other..but i'll be at the top..with only the One above me.. :)

one day..

i'll be there.. :)

Peace,fellow Earth-dwellers.

(To AJ[if you are reading this] )

Yours forever.. :)

-32

yes! :D

2008-04-12T18:55:00.000+05:30

i don't care about the world now..i don't care how badly you treat me and expect me to be there for you..always..well..i usually am..but now..i don't think i can hang on anymore..

bought myself a new cell phone today..w200i..the walkman phone..ah..the sound quality.. :D
the THUMP is here! :D

i am not feeling too good these days..somebody has to bail me outta this situation..

bah..
hmm..

"What If?"

What if there was no lie
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason, or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life
What if I got it wrong
And no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life

Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know it, if you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
That's the risk that you take

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life
That you don't want me there by your side

Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right
How can you know when you don't even try
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right

Oh - Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right,
Let's take a breath, jump over the side.
Ooh ooh-ooh, that's right,
You know that darkness always turns into light.
Ooh-ooh, that's right

it might look like a gay song..frankly,it doesn't matter to me..i love it..one of the best songs Colplay ever came up with..sigh..sigh..sigh..

i shall bid you people goodbye..somebody..turn the lights ON!

-32

2008-04-10T21:15:00.001+05:30

I was,am,and most probably will be the last in the line..
it is not my fault..i am just treated that way..
it makes me wanna cry..it makes me wanna scream..

i think i'll sleep now..i need sleep.
i need peace..
i am sorry if i hurt anybody..i don't mean to..that's just who i am..messed up..royally..

sigh..i think i'll go..i am not even worth your 2 minutes..

see you..

-32

sorry.. :(

2008-04-09T14:56:00.000+05:30

i..i am sorry..i don't know..i am..
sigh..i am screwed up..messed up..so bloody messed up..

i love you..i want to love you forever..

i am sorry..i don't think twice before writing anything..

sorry if i made you feel bad honey..

i miss you..i miss you like i never thought i would..

and i can't wait to be with you..but wait i will..cuz,i think..you and i are meant to be..

sigh..I love you..more than words..unconditionally..

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do..
I will be strong I will be faithful
'Cos I'm counting on a new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning.

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me...

And when the stars are shining brightly
In the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish
Send it to heaven
Then make you want to cry..
The tears of joy
For all the pleasure and the certainty.
That we're surrounded
By the comfort and protection of..
The highest power.
In lonely hours.
The tears devour you..
I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cos it's standing right before you.
All that you need will surely come...

I'll be your dream
I'll be your wish
I'll be your fantasy.
I'll be your hope
I'll be your love
Be everything that you need.
I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...

this really sums up everything..i am yours..now,and forever..

tc..

32

7 April

2008-04-07T14:08:00.000+05:30

Hello.
I am the owner of this blog.
Why?
i know the password..you don't.
It is simple.
The password systems been around for ages now..It was first introduced in the early 1200's when the rich landlords wanted to transfer large sums of money over distances.The person claiming the money had to say the password,or the keyword,in order to receive the package,or whatever it was.
Strange as it may seem,this practice is still in use today.

So..
I am the owner of this blog.
I write what i want.
I write when i want to.

Similarly..
I own my life.
I write what i want,into my life..
..and i do so,when i want to..

Today is the 7th of April.
Happy 3 months to us.
It is good..we've reached so far..3 months is long.. :)
hope it stays like this forever..hope..

i miss AJ..i know it is hard on her..it is equally hard on me too..but we've got to see this through..because,this sort of thing doesn't happen everyday..not to me..I am a lucky guy..lucky enough to have her..so,i say again..hope..

Picture rainfall..i like the wind..i don't want thunder,though..

People are crazy and the times are strange.

We live in our own worlds,oblivious to most of the other stuff..

i ran 15 yesterday..i don't feel like stopping anymore..i run for a reason..i run with a reason..i just hope that someday,some bloody day..i make it out of here..ALIVE..and make it big..and look back,and laugh..laugh hard,laugh straight,but most of all,laugh the laugh..

i'll push myself to 20 in the coming week..and then to 25..i was asked to do 12 a day..bull...12 is for kids..
and finally...FINALLY..i am getting something back..i almost cried last night as i looked into the mirror..half naked,i wasn't wearing a shirt..but i looked at my body and i wept..i really did..with joy,you know..finally,they are back..not all..but some..they look nice..really nice..at least i think so..i'll get you back..so don't worry..i'll have the 6 of you back,just the way it was..yeah..i will..
them abdominal muscles..

sigh..life is boring..Kaush makes it to 3 months tomorrow..Vibhav makes it 17 years(with himself) tomorrow..am really happy for Kaush..lol..haan haan..bol le..aur jala mujhe..what's the point,no?
lol..take care,dear friend..i am sure you guys will go a long long way.. :)
oh..Vibhav..kaale..Poor Katrine.. ;)
i'll sing the "Apne" ka theme song for you..or maybe Kaush and i can team up and sing the mallu "happy birthday" for you..the same one we heard on the bus..the very same one.. :D

it is going to be one crazy week,i tell you..
2 flowers make a comeback..one's presence i don't mind..the other bitch can go die in hell..and take yet another one from her with her..
have to accompany Chand on her "I hate that Bas****" mission..lol..funnnn! she's decided to kick,slap,bitchslap,dropkick,jackhammer,tombstone piledriver,rock bottom and chokeslam him..yaay! i get to see.. :D

Kaale says that life is about taking chances..no wait..i say it..the point is..the basic human nature is being restless..i am as restless as can be..and trust me..it gets to me at times..the restlessness, that is..

I spoke to Kaush yesterday..after ages..yaay..lol..had to get repeated assurances from her..pity i don't get the assurances from the person who is really in question..pity pity..
well..that's just the way i am..like it,nice..don't..? well..umm..i haven't come up with a solution for that..

I can't wait to go to college..i am under a state of perpetual boredom right now..College..College..*headspins*

Oh..another thing..i just realized some days ago..that i am insecure..about a lot of things..takes some sitting alone in the cold weather with a hot cup of coffee to come to terms with the fact that i haven't really grown mentally in the last few years..so..i shall work on that too..

i think i'll go now..there's no point in putting my thoughts into "0's and 1's"for the computer..computer computer..talk to me no..please please.. sheesh..

Peace.
Congrats,AJ..you've survived 3 months of me..tell me when you get tired,ok? :P
miss you.
tc.

-32

2008-04-03T18:17:00.000+05:30

I really don't care..
I don't give a damn..

:S

I might lose it in the next few days..i might blast..i sure as hell might..i want to..AARGH!

"For,we chose the life we lead..and from there on in,it chose us"

Bah..i need sleep...i need orange juice..i need somebody to talk to..i wanna jump off that SouthHearts building..or maybe set my house on fire...

sigh..
excuse me..but i am the fucking crazy one,no?
fry me,and you will see..

My head hurts..my eyes hurt..and most of all,i hurt inside..
and i feel bad..and i feel used..
i feel even worse than being used..
i feel like a caged dog..

i wanna go..

i wanna fucking go..

and i swear to God..i'll make sure i take you along with me..

I AM FRUSTRATED AT THE MOMENT.THIS POST SHALL NOT ENTERTAIN ANY COMMENTS.NONE,WHATSOEVER.FROM ANYBODY.

THE OWNER WANTS PEACE.SO GRANT HIM SOME.

Oh crap..

BULL..ABSOLUTE BULL.
and i don't wanna work this way.
so,i hope you get the picture..it is quite clear..

Paint it.
and destroy it.
It is yours to take.

Peace.

-32

Roller Coaster!

2008-03-30T13:42:00.000+05:30

am listenin to Heaven since last night,and frankly,i am not bored of it..i like it..a lot..have liked it ever since i heard it some years back..but it has some true meaning now,so it makes the experience even better..
one more day to go..and then,Freedom.."I have a dream..that one day,the computers section,the bio section(excluding a few maniacs),and the commerce section,shall live in peace and harmony..in a world where warmth and heat is spread by burning textbooks,life is lived by sneering and laughing at the juniors..where we all laugh,enjoy,kill,murder,extort,as one..play football all day,with no one to stop us..watch TV all night,with no restrictions,play loud music and stick the tongue out at the lousy neighbours...
I have a dream..."

ah..hmm..excuse me..i get carried away everytime..but yes..this 1 month has been CRAZY..2 good exams,2 shit exams..and 1 more to go..its in the balance now,son..the team to score first will win..uh..sigh..

The last few days have been like a roller coaster ride...literally..i wish,but nah..not as literally..
1.My bro sent me pics of his new Dell XPS..man..oh man..for the first time,i am envious..it looks..stunning..i wish i get one like that,sometime soon..*makes mental note to steal laptop soon*

2.Took over the management at Reading in FIFA 07..not that its a big deal,but hey,i was the manager of United for about 16 years.. :P Kitson,oh Kitson,you make me happy when the skies are grey and the stands are empty.. :D

3.Found out stuff..realized,rather..and now,it don't matter to me anymore..bah..i have a life too.. so,cheers! :)

4.Saw some old pics of my Dad.. :) .. and myself,too..pity,when i got to the "oh..so cute baby!" age,loads of pics were clicked..and all of them were ruined by the rains,last year.. :X
i have some 5 odd pics..hehe..lol..honestly,i looked like Porky Pig..muahaha! :D

5.Took my car out for a spin yesterday..was more like treating a kid..no wait,treating kids is way easier..but damn..the cars' got some horsepower under that hood! lol..zoom,vroom! (excuse me)..yay..and it was raining..and i was driving..it was almost perfect..almost..wish i had a "doll" for company.. :D

6.PLAYED "RIDERS ON THE STORM" IN FULL VOLUME WHILE I DROVE..aaah..!! felt like..sigh..its a great feeling..feel it,to know it.. :D

7.Didn't touch my computers textbook for 9 days..doing so today,though..it is kinda easy..i hope the exam is too..

8.Chucked my mobile out of the balcony..it landed on the porch..so i got it back..but hell..it is crankier than my internet! :X

9.I think i'll make a trip to Mumbai after all.. :) have to meet all my old friends once,before they all disperse.. :)

10.Held a 5 month old baby for about half an hour today morning..mom's colleagues' kid..damn..cute baby..the cutest i have seen in a long time.. :) it felt so..umm..elevating..tiny hands,tiny feet,that cute smile.. :) lol..and she played with my finger.. :) aww..lol..it kinda liked me too.. :) babies..they get cuter each time.. :P

11.oh..umm..lol..was in the NPOL Institute yesterday evening..trust me,it may sound crazier than it actually was..i was asked to speak on "Child Abuse,Teen Pregnancies and Education"..to school kids..I AM A SCHOOL KID TOO :S
was nice..i didn't prepare..went there,and spoke whatever i felt..turns out,they liked it.. :D
ah..hmm..Sex Education is my area of expertise..i declare so.. :)

12.That's about it..i guess.. :)

as you can see,i am living life like a ..umm..i don't know..but its been a nice week.. :D
and DAMN..i can't stop having my dreams..i have seen 2 since Friday..the same kind..makes me smile in my sleep i think..they say,what you see in your dreams is what you wish or long for,more often than not.. hmm..lol..i can't say that i've never thought about it..but nah..not now...have years and years ahead of me to think of it.. :)

BREAKING NEWS : 1 leaf falls from tree,none injured..

i think i'll see that on some news channel in a few months..trust me,so will you..that's the trend..that's the trend..

i guess i'll leave now..and "Heaven's" still playin..or maybe i am making it play..either way,its playing all right..

ah..almost forgot..heard a new song.."I am Yours" by Jason Mraz..a very nice song..best i have heard in some time now..suggested to me by my "one-and-only".. :)
*muah*..as the song title rightly puts it.. "I am Yours"..i am.. :D

anyway..i'll leave..for now,that is.. :)

Peace.

-Giggs

i think i have had enough..

2008-03-28T12:37:00.000+05:30

yes..i have had enough of this circus..i don't like the circus,i don't like the clowns..and i sure as hell don't like the audience..
this sucks..no dude..this REALLY sucks..its like i don't exist..every pain,every grief of yours,i am ready to listen to..but NO..i think somebody doesn't like sharing ANYTHING here huh?
you look me in the face like nothings wrong dude..and then you go home and message and mail the whole fucking world..about your sobstory..you tell EVERYONE about your feelings BUT me..and trust me..i don't think its the same anymore dude..i don't think it will ever be..
i am not sayin its your fault..maybe its mine..i am quite hostile,i know..but man..why the hell do you have to elevate me to a position,and not tell me anything?

i am fuming..not because i am angry..because i am disappointed..in MYSELF..for letting shit like this happens..

"..but why me..?"
don't ask me that again..i am tired of being there..i am tired of listening..and i am freaking tired of being invisible.
Oh well..if that's what its all about..bunk it,no?
you remember a year back when i did something,earning the wrath of my peers,cuz i hadn't told a lotta ppl..i hadn't told you..and you were angry..and so we decided to tell each other everything..and now this..

don't reply..i don't want to talk about it..i am done with it..for good,i think..
i can be nice,i can be friendly,i can be true..but i really can be a hardass if shit like this happens..

go on..live..and one thing..don't even think about me again..i know you didn't..but just in case..
hmm..we have anti-parallel lives now..different directions..keeping away..

to whomsoever this may concern..i am angry..yes..i am depressed..i am pissed..and above all,i feel alienated..THANKS..thanks a lot,"buddy"...sheesh..

i can go on and on about this man..but i don't want to..it doesn't make sense..one person making all the effort and the other least bothered..its high time i got back to what i do best..IGNORE..

Peace.

-32

I Don't wanna..

2008-03-25T16:51:00.000+05:30

sigh..i cleaned my room today..its been like ages..and i found soo much stuff..made me..umm..nostalgic,kinda..i don't know..was a bit sad too..yeah know..cuz when i go to college(if i do),i'll have to leave most of this stuff behind.. :(

hmm..lol..my sneakers..all of em..my favorite are the K-Swiss..man..how much i sulked till i actually got those sneakers.. :P
found a lot of stuff i had forgotten about..found this diary of mine i used to maintain 2 years back..in the 10th std..lol..it was funny..damn funny..its got like AJ written in every page..maybe cuz' i used to write about her..only.. :P ..
hmm..found Kaush's letter to me on my 15th bday..(16th,by school records)..lol..yaay! it was..heartfelt..reminded me of a time when crows sat on trees and dinosaurs drank tea near your place..of a time,when we hadn't had our first BIG fight.. :P
lol..am happy we fought as much as we did..made our friendship stronger yeah know..
[the following lines are controversial]

She always fought with me for absolutely EVERYTHING under the sun.
..and i had to act as the bigger person and apologize..always..

:P
the point is..Kaush is a great friend..hell..she is my best friend..not my ONLY best friend,but yeah..she is one..lol..man! the times we've had..*looks around*..CAN I GET MY JELLYBEANS NOW? :S

Kaush..if you are reading this..(i know you are..how can you live without reading my blog :P)
i just wanted to say "Thank you" for being there..and for listening to me go on endlessly about AJ..throughout the 11th std..into the 12th..and trust me,you'll have to listen to me go on about AJ forever.. :)..for introducing me to new flavors of the jellybeans..i didn't know SO many existed.. :P
having those LONG convo's with me over the phone and otherwise,about HER.. :)
for being my sure supplier of chocolates.
for never losing faith in me.
for always being there for me..through the good times,and the bad..
and for trusting me.. :)

and for promising me that you would buy me LOADS of chocolates(the imported ones please..shit like Perk and KitKat and 5Star won't do)with your first salary.. :P
lol..i know you haven't promised..but hey..it doesn't matter.. :D

hmm..was playing football last evening..lol..saw our school's striker for next year..i pity NCS..i mean..i feel bad..couldn't they come up with somebody better than him?? :S

Yaya called last night..she was..troubled..frightened,rather..it was thundering and she was alone at home..Sylvia aunty is away to Glasgow..i don't quite remember why..seminar,i think..and uncle is always in the office..that leaves Yaya and her pet dog,Dumdum..hehe..that's THE cutest dog i have ever seen..a Labrador..it looks so cute..and it lets you hug it too.. :D
oh..Yaya is off to Zimbabwe this June..exchange program from her college..sigh..i like Zimbabwe..i loved it the last time..i wanna goo.. :S

i think i'll go now..no reason..i am just bored.. :)

Peace.

It's getting dark..darker.. :S

2008-03-21T18:41:00.001+05:30

"..scram..this ain't gonna be happening again..this isn't real anyways..Ma,don't kill me if you think I am wrong.."

32 : we fished out certain OLD crazy ideas up from the bin..use it,we won't..

Ak : Ma..i might get wings soon..i wanna fly..fly..away..somewhere..anywhere..!

32 : sounds more like..no wait..this won't do either..will miss you too Akhi.. :S

(My wings..i need wings..Red Bull doesn't work.. :( )

32 : *thinks* where the...how could you..maybe..we all are wrong..its all..its all fake...ALL FAKE..
there's something that binds you to it..

Slash : its something that won't break..its always gonna be with you..it calls you..it keeps you inspired..it tells you to hold on..to never let go..to NEVER give up..

The sights and the sounds..how can you forget all this..?

Ak : but..but...i want my wings..32..i want my wings..i wanna go..dad would have wanted me to go..

Ma..let me go..hard as it might be..i want to go..

32 : This doesn't seem right to me..people have their own lives to live..being a part in their lives is as important as LIVING your own..i am leaving this to you..

Slash : What about the promises..what about those PROMISES you made.. ?

Ak : Don't get me wrong..i have made sacrifices..its all about sacrifices isn't it..LIFE IS ABOUT SACRIFICES..to me,life IS a sacrifice..i will go..and you can't stop me..NOBODY can stop me..not you Slash,not you 32..NOBODY..

32 : Am not with anybody on this..who cares what you do..you want an answer,Ak..NOBODY..i don't give a fuck to what you do..you can stay,you can leave,you can do whatever..

Slash : ..i..i..i don't know what to say..i'll miss you kid..take good care of yourself..maybe you'll be alone..but you'll ALWAYS have us on your side..with you,by you..

Ak : maybe..i need to get it right..it seems impossible..i can't be bogged down by anything..*cries*

32 : get the kid out of here..*hides his own discomfort*

>I don't know what to do..at times,i just wake up thinking about my life..and WHY it is this way..we all are here for a reason..i know..i know..i just don't know WHAT the reason is.. <

"With so many..yet still I am alone..all alone.."

32 : we live..we die..we love..we hate..but most of all,we LEARN..learn how to live,learn how to love,to hate..and at the end of it all,we are taught how to die..it is your life..your rules..your privacy..i know i am just a small part of it..am happy being a part..makes a world of a difference to me.. *tries not to show tears*

Ak : i don't know what to do..i..thanks..thanks a lot for what you guys have done..
there's so much to live for..so much..a life ahead..no matter how it is..it is MINE..something i will have till the very end..people come and go..

32 : I just hope this works out..i mean..you know..this doesn't happen everyday..just,learn to listen to your inner voice too..I know you can do it..others too know that you can do it..TELL yourself that you can do it too..thats the job half done right there..i am always gonna be here for you..even when it rains..even if it doesn't stop raining..even if the world comes to an end..we're too far in this..and i don't wanna look back,ok kid?.. you,me and Slash..we are what YOU are..and you,to me kid,are something special..don't ever listen to shit people say about you..they aren't worth your tears..as you were told some months back by a beautiful maiden,"Nobody's worth your tears.." ..

Ak : I need some time off..i don't feel too good..32..i need to go..go home.. :(

32 : but..you are here..

Ak : ............................................

>We are what we do..yesterday,today and tomorrow..1 mistake might set you back..a few more might make you doubt yourself..but,take a look back..at how much you've achieved..something nobody has..<

32 leaves..Slash isn't to be seen anywhere..its just me now..and i feel..
sigh..the blog does say,My life,and other irrelevant things.. :)

2008-03-15T12:55:00.000+05:30

:)
woke up quite early,with a smile.. am still smiling so its gotta have something to do with AJ.. :)
anyway..was buzzed by Rickie in the morning..Rickie,or Rickes..we spent some really good times in Goa back in the summer of 2003..and trust me,this guy can play the guitar way better than most of the people i have come across..and i believe i have come across a LOT of guitarists.. :)
oh yeah..he sent me OUR song..the one we recorded in Jenson's Studio in 2003.."Nothing Else Matters"..sigh..i felt so bloody good after i heard that..i remember,we finished the recording in half an hour..1 sitting only..well,i think we hit it off that well..*SIGH*..was nice to hear my voice through the speakers..trust me..i think i sound way way different now..or maybe the recording took place at a lower frequency so i sound more..OLD..? hmm..
but yeah..lol..i met Rickie on the beach..he was with,get a load of this,a bar of snickers and a guitar..lol..was on a vacation with my parents,and he was on a vacation with his..lol..and trust me..i had no interest in going to the beach..somehow,i like to sit in the shade and not venture into the hot sun..especially if the hot sun is shining somewhere in the south of India..
well..he was playing the solo of "One" on a Spanish guitar..which got me interested..i walked upto him and we spoke about,well..music..he seems to be somebody born to make a career outta music..dont be surprised if a certain Ricardo da Cunha becomes famous sometime soon.. ;)
i asked him if he played any other songs..and well,thats how it started..he claims to know the solos of over 300 songs..which i am not doubting..
we played "Hotel California" on the beach..which really attracted a lot of tourists..i thought the Goa government would offer us jobs to play on the beach all day long.. :D lol..in the process,i met a lot of people..most of them Europeans who were too rich and too bored with life..sigh..
anyway,Rickes and i walked all the way to a studio named Jenson's close to the beach..
we paid Rs 760/- to record the song..and i really wanted to stay in there longer..it felt,nice..like.."home" nice..:)
so we decided to record "Nothing Else Matters"..one of my all time fav songs..actually,the sound technician said my voice would sound bloody strange through the speakers so he tweaked the settings a bit..and voila!..i sound like..nah i sound like myself...
half an hour and a recording later,we left..it felt nice,cuz it was something i had always dreamed of doing..
and i had forgotten all about it..thankfully,i got in touch with Rickie through his sister..he's in Delhi now..so,we chatted,laughed about our good times..no matter where you go,it always feels nice to hear from old friends.. :)

i have the song..i have the song..i have MY song.. :D :D
*does crazy Anthony Kiedis(RHCP) dance..falls flat on face*

and for once,my bro actually thinks i can sing...muahahaha!

so..i shall drift away...

So close,no matter how far......... :)

2008-03-14T18:15:00.000+05:30

hell..the weather is quite depressing if you ask me..its grey and strange,all day long..and i like it,to an extent..after which,i kinda feel..umm..awkward..
it rains..yeah,at times..and i usually stand outside when it rains..i like the rain..makes me feel a lot more human than sitting in and watchin it rain..
it shouldn't rain all day though,should it..i mean..it gets kinda..kinda sad..

i was up at Bo's place today..almost got into a bloody fight with Julio and his dogs..dogs,because they do what he says..
man..Bo's place reminds me of those Spanish movies where yeah know,the kingpin and his associates do the dealing in one corner..music,loud music being played..haven't seen booze at his place though..must have something to do with..uh..kids?
for all those of you who aren't aware,and i am sure you aren't..Bo's is a joint..well..basically,Bo's is a hangout here..if you can call it that..its like a big house..and i go there solely to meet and talk to some of the orphans who live in the enclosure near it..oh yes,i am an active member of the i-india foundation..its an organization that aims to provide a good life to orphans all around the country..try getting in touch with the foundation if you are interested..the smiles on the faces of the kids is priceless.. :)

came back quite early..before 11..sat down and did a lot of math..
have an exam on the 20th..hope to do well..although the word math does not quite have the same SCARY effect it had a couple of years back..maybe i am quite ready for this one.. :)

it rained on my way back..honestly,the weather made me wanna play football..i wish i could..
damn..life has come to a standstill these days..sigh..i wish i had more stuff to do..and i hope college is far more interesting.. :S
there used to be a time when i was rarely at home all day..wake up early morning..go for a run or maybe for practice..meet almost everybody on the way..stand,chat,discuss,relate,co relate..everything..drop into some buddy's place for lunch..is houses were closed,we would beg,borrow AND steal from Monginis..lol..that was fun..
would meander aimlessly around NOFRA all afternoon..some 5-6 of us..making more noise than the cars on the road.. :)
reach IMSC at around 5..meet almost the whole of the batch..yeah know..it used to be fun..cuz most of the girls in our batch were major bitches..i mean it..makeup,clothes,money..it was all they could think off...
damn..the guys(me included) had a great time fuelling the catfights..lol..start the fire,then sit back,Mountain Dew in hand,and watch how they fought..about EVERYTHING..my favorite line.."LAST WEEK..YOU COPIED MY NAILPOLISH COLOR!".. :S

anyway..that was that..i have moved on..although some of the guys are the same.. :) i have spoken to some of them..eccentric..they are all ECCENTRIC..and to think that i came from that clan..sigh..

some people never grow up..and they shouldnt grow up..cuz we have known them as the kids they are..

i shall leave now..not that it matters..but i need to do something quite important,really..something that can't wait tomorrow..and something that determines how well i end up doing in the long run..lets just say it involves a lot of people..a LOT of people..

Bangalore - May 19,BITS Entrance
Bangalore - May 20,another exam..an Interview really..pray for me..i REALLY wanna pass that..
Mumbai - June 5 Yet another entrance..i was chosen,really..hush hush..codeword "Florida" :D
Delhi- June 19 I-India Convention
Kochi - whatever.. HOME.. :)

i just wanna say that i love my mom..a lot..lol..i know..sounds kinda random..i just felt that my mom was doing so much for me..i had to repay her back too..and this is how..
*DEEP BREATH*
I LOVE YOU MOMMA! :D

hmm..i think that's about it..AJ..i miss you.. :( a lot..
take care honey..always here for you..

<32>

2008-03-09T17:10:00.000+05:30

I was sittin in my balcony last night..thinking about random stuff..about me..about coffee beans..about everything i thought existed in the outer space..about my lucky numbers..about my favorite people..about mom..about dad..and yeah..i thought a lot about dad after that..

Cdr. (late) M Ramachandran was the son of Late Mr.M Ramakrishnan,a devoted principal of the Trivandrum High School,and Mrs. Radha Ramakrishnan,a teacher.
Growing up,my father,according to my very trustworthy sources,was kind of a genius..He could rattle off tables of upto 78 at the age of 5..
At the age of 16,tired of the monotonous nature of his everyday life,he wrote the exam for admission into the Naval Academy..during those days,it was quite tough to get into the Academy for somebody who was still in school.
As fate would have it,he wrote the exam and cleared it..the only one from Trivandrum to do so.
His parents weren't happy..on the contrary,they believed it was like breaking the family tradition of being doctors and engineers..not that my father cared about all that.
On the 22nd of June,1972,he boarded a train to the Naval Academy in Goa.
An introvert,he usually kept to himself,rather,to his books,finding just enough time to eat his 3 meals a day from the mess.
A voracious reader,and a thinker whose thoughts went way ahead of his age,his performance in the INA classroom got him the recognition of one who was fit to be in someplace bigger.
And so,the decision was made.
M Ramachandran,a small town kid with dreams,finally made it to the place he wished he could be in..IIT,Kharagpur.
Having completed his B Tech course from a college in Kerala,Ramachandran took his M Tech degree in Electronics and Communications.
As per records,he topped the class 3 times out of 5.
A class which consisted of a number of people who,today,would be holding top posts in some leading MNC's.
Passing out of IIT,he did not aspire to break the trust of his new found saviour..The Indian Navy.
Serving as a commissioned officer for 32 years,having seen a life of highs and lows,Cdr M Ramachandran left for heavenly abode on the 27th of December,2006.
It seemed that he knew something was wrong for a long time.
Those prolonged silences in the living room,those awkward moments in the car when he would just drift into his thoughts.
I was quite close to my father.
To me,he was a hero..everything i aspired to be..his understanding of Physics,the subject he termed "Godly" was immense..and it was his practical application of this knowledge was what really got me interested in physics..
My interest in Astronomy also had a lot to do with him..as a young kid,i remember asking him if there were other people out there in the space..and pat came the reply,"We'll check if you want!".. :)
Dad brought home a telescope from the Inventory the next day..it was heavy,but it was shiny..and as a young boy,i had a thing for shiny metal objects..
We took it to the terrace,and he began to find the perfect angle..in a few minutes,I saw the most breathtaking sites till date..i saw the moon,as beautiful as it was,its beauty multiplied by the eerie silence of the night..the dull,pale grey clouds..
That site,to this day,creeps into my mind when i think about the space..and it overwhelms me..the simple action performed by a father,to pass on his interests to his son,was something that would stay forever.
I remember quite clearly,being gifted the book i came to love,"Cosmos" on my birthday later in the year.
It was,is,and will remain my most valuable possession.

My father,as per what he believed,had achieved almost everything he had set out for..
Having met Fidel Castro,Hugo Chavez,Indira Gandhi and Yassir Arafat,all in person..having travelled to almost all parts of the world..having seen the beauty of the European cities,to the poverty,the squalor in the African nations..having lived a life he could only have dreamed off..having 2 sons,whom,he maintained,"..are far more intelligent than any children i have seen"..
at the age of 51,it did seem quite a premature death..he himself suggested that before he passed away..lying in the hospital,i went to meet him alone,as my mom and the other relatives were too devastated..
watching this man,who epitomised greatness,courage,determination,strength..lying on a bed,helpless..it took the wind out of my sails..
we spoke for close to 15 minutes..well,he spoke,and i listened..he told me that he knew his time was up..i nodded..my dad and i had made a pact when i was young..Papa won't lie to Akhi,Akhi won't lie to Papa..it stayed that way till the very end..he asked me to take good care of my mom..he even told me to take good care of his coin collection..coins from EVERY country in the world,some countries that don't even exist now..he was its proud owner..and i feel nice to say this,i believe he STILL is.. :)
before i left his ward,i asked him if he wanted me to convey some message to anyone..well..he didn't..but i did see a tear in his eye as he told me,just as i was leaving,that he was happy he had a son like me..i didn't know what to say..i wasn't a good kid..but still,he was a happy father..i hugged him,as tightly as i ever could..kissing his forehead,i told him that the place he was going to was far better than this one..he smiled.."I know"..
i wished i could sit there,by his side,forever..knowing that this man,who got me to this world,was soon going to fade away,was a thought i wasn't ready for..
remorsefully,i left the ward..
at 3 in the morning,we all got the news..my father was no more..although i was ready for the worst,the thought of dad not being there,of dad not waking me up,of dad not telling me to drink my coffee slowly,of him not being there to talk to me about the world..suddenly struck me like a lightning bolt..i felt i was in a state of unconsciousness..i could hear people everywhere..crying..wailing..i didn't know what to do..my brother was in Mumbai..boarding the first plane to Kochi..that night,i felt orphaned..i felt small..weak..i hadn't cried all this while,because i didn't believe it..
i saw my dad's body being taken into the ambulance..i thought he would wave at me,the way he always did when he left for someplace..no wave..no look..just a body..
i got into the car..silence..and then it happened..i lost all control of my emotions..i cried,and cried..i screamed,i shouted..i was angry..God had taken away my most favorite person..and had left me a wreck..
i don't quite remember what happened after that..i think i slept off..cried myself to sleep..it was all too much..
my mom wouldn't stop crying..and watching mom cry,i would cry..
my brother arrived the next morning..i wasn't sure if he was ready for it,because he wasn't told of the death.."Your father is ill..please come quickly"..
i saw my brother cry for the first,and probably the last time..he cried too..like a baby..he looks much the same as he did years ago..and i felt this immense urge to go hug him..i did..and i held him tight..he knew it was me..

I am writing all this because i feel the need to write about my father,almost everyday..the life he gave me,is the reason i am here..its quite easy to forget about the ones we love..usually,we take the love from our loved ones for granted..the only regret i have in my life was..well..not having told my dad how much i loved him,and how much he would be missed..

During the cremation,dad was given a 21 gun salute..he was buried in the spot which he had chosen years back..as the pyre burned,i almost felt as if dad was telling me,"i do not want you to be sad.."..i figured..if dad didn't want me to be sad,then there was no point in being sad..
Life goes on..stuff happens..people come,people go..

As we move on,we learn how to cope with such problems..
The death of my beloved father taught me several things..life wasn't easy..life is not going to be easy..

As i sat thinking about my dad in the balcony,i noticed the moon..the eerie silence returned,the pale grey skies became evident..it was my dad's way of showing that he's out there,looking out for us..
Thank you Papa..
may your soul rest in peace..
:)

2008-02-28T21:52:00.000+05:30

today was like any other day..woke up,studied..got bored.. :P
hmm..didn't have much to do today..am kinda upset..and i really don't know WHY..i try to cheer myself up by singing happy songs but i always end up feeling low..and the worst part about feeling bad is not knowing exactly WHY you're feeling bad..sigh..faça-me feliz, alguém. :(

oh..heard Angel by LR..the normal version was up played at Bo's all day..its like that dude doesn't have songs,he plays the same track again and again and again..but i didn't mind..it said,"Angel"..and i know an angel.. :)
lesson learned today..being philanthropic is not a way of life..it IS life..
and no..philanthropists don't need to be rich..look at me,i am a..no wait..i don't do it regularly..
was savin up money for Kaush's gift..turns out,Yusuf(my neighbor) lost his wallet and it was his chicks' birthday..i gave him the money..i mean..this dude has helped me out so many times..lending me his bike(ah!the pulsar..the pulsar..and nothing but the pulsar.. :) ) ,introducing me to his school band members and letting me practice with em..he's been a nice guy..i'll just have to wait for him to repay me back,or i'll just start from scratch..AGAIN..damn..being broke isn't fun.. :(
got my VIT reg card today..ugh..the pic looks horrible..it is mine.. :)
center is at Sacred Hearts,Thevara..might drop off at Mathews' place after that..hehe..i want lunch..and i want good lunch..where better a place than the Mohan residence?? :D
lol..i remember himanshu's lines exactly,as we all sat at his place,trying hard to learn some hindi gibberish before the final exams in the 9th standard.."yaar..if i get out of the exam hall alive..i'll buy you all a round of beer...."..waits a moment..scratches his head,and screams,"Hell..I'll buy the whole damn bar!"..lol..i couldn't stop laughin till 4 in the morning..hehe..incidentally,he did get out of the exam hall alive..and no..he didn't give us the beer..not that anyone of us drinks that thing.. :)
dining table crisis..Chocos just got over today..I WANT CHOCOS!! >_<
oh..spoke to my doctor..Mr Kovoor..my operation is scheduled for the 22nd of May..won't be long before my shoulders' all fine and i play football PROPERLY again...waiting..waiting..
it sucks..the pain..but i am quite used to it now..i mean..when i run,it hurts like crazy..cuz the fibres around the joint are damaged and the socket tends to lose the joint when it gets a heavy push..the running motion makes it bob up and down and that pains.. :X .. honestly,i don't know how i even ran throughout the year..or last year..or the year before that..lol..waiting..waiting..
Ankita had her first exam today..i am sure she did well..i believe in her.. :) ...sigh..get well soon..*muah*..prayin for yeah.. :)

i think i'll leave now..the apocalypse is near and i am still stuck in the whole Carbylamine reaction.. o_O

cheers!
oh..i almost forgot.. :) .. honey..this is for yeah.. :D

"Angel"

I just want to tell you all the things you are
And all the things you mean to me
You've been with me forever
Through the changes in my life
Through all the tears and laughter

When I find myself believing there's no place to go
When I feel the loneliness inside my heart

You're the answer to my prayers
And you're with me everywhere
You're my angel, miracle, you're all I need tonight
Give me shelter from the rain
You breathe life in me again
You're my angel, miracle, you're all I need to know, tonight

Life is just a moment
We're blowing in the wind
We're trying to find a friend
And only time can tell us
If win or if we lose
And who will stand beside us

When there's darkness all around me
You're the light I see
When I need someone to ease my troubled mind

You're the answer to my prayers
And you're with me everywhere
You're my angel, miracle, you're all I need tonight
Give me shelter from the rain
You breathe life in me again
You're my angel, miracle, you're all I need to know, tonight

You're all I need tonight
All I need tonight
All I need tonight
You're my angel

You're the answer to my prayers
And you're with me everywhere
You're my angel, miracle, you're all I need tonight
Give me shelter from the rain
You breathe life in me again
You're my angel, my miracle, you're all I need to know, tonight

:)

Happy Birthday,Kaush! :D

2008-02-26T21:37:00.000+05:30

hmm..well,i'll start of by saying this..Kaush.."HAPPY BIRTHDAY" .. may God bless yeah..
lol..and now she is officially 17..although she doesn't look a day over 7..trust me.. :)
hmmm..sigh..can't really believe that we all won't be together after this year..i sure as hell don't know where i'll end up.. :S

hmm..bunk that..this is about Kaush..or no wait..the first few lines were.. :P
26th feb..woke up this morning thinking about Chocos.. :D ..lol..i know i am strange..i have this very weird connection with Chocos..lol..it saved my ass a few years back..HOW,you do not need to know.. :P

hmm..didn't study much today..was still feeling down..and no..it didnt have much to do with Eduardo today..i was just plain sad..no bloody reasons..mood swing i suppose..lol..went up to my terrace and had some crows for company..they are good listeners.. :D

oh yeah..lol..was missin Ankita all morning so i kinda decided to do something about it as soon as i flicked the TV on and saw MTV Select..called in..and i got through almost instantly.. :D
yaay!..i spoke to Chinnapa...and Amit Sana..he was the guest,by the way.. :) ..hmm..i asked them to play "Wonderful Tonight" ..and told them to dedicate it to the girl i love.. :) .. hehe...by the time we ended,Chinappa had told me twice that he thought i was completely in love..ah!..its true,its true.. :) .. *muah*..love yeah..missin yeah loads! praying for you..and i am always there for you ohk.. ? *hug*

yeah..that's about it..had two cups of coffee in an hour..i mean,MUGS of coffee.. hehe... :)

hmm..i'll leave now..chem in 4 days.. :)

cheers!

I'm the one who really loves ya, baby
I've been knockin' at your door

and as long as I'm livin'
I'll be waitin'
as long as I'm breathin'
I'll be there
whenever you call me
I'll be waitin'
whenever you need me
I'll be there..

:)

2008-02-23T13:41:00.000+05:30

hmm..being static comes naturally to me..i expect changes to occur everyday,which of course don't relate to me in anyway..there's this tree outside my house..in my garden..it is a big tree..a lot of leaves,a lot of branches..when i came to this place,all i saw was the tree..maybe because it is huge..or maybe because i like trees a lot..this tree,however,is special to me..i have spent hours watching the birds on the tree..living life..watched the leaves sway with the strong winds..
maybe i sound gay..but honestly..i don't have any qualms in admitting,proclaiming rather,that every guy possesses in his mind,little things that bring him solace..the fact that man and woman stem from the same,also hardens this fact..no matter how hard a guy is,there is something,or someone,whose pain and sufferings he can't bear to see..well,yes..i am emotionally attached to this tree..and they are about to cut it down..which makes me really sad..but well,as i said,i expect changes..not that i want changes..but "to expect" and "to want" are very different things..and that i've come to learn over the course of my relatively nascent life..*please pray for the tree..you never know how strong your prayers are until you've succeeded in doing exactly what you wished had happened.. :) *

feb 22..i think..chemistry is fun,at least for now..some 7 odd days to go..i still have some more left..i'll be done with it on the 27th.. :)
spoke to Vibhav last night..wheeeee!..lol..damn..i can't believe he told her..but i am bloody happy for him..yaay! *hi5* hehe..sorry..but i was as excited as a little kid with orange lollies as i spoke to him..well,maybe because,and this relates to the previous paragraph..i can't bear the fact that he is in pain..mentally,or physically..because we have been,over the course of the last 2 years,inseparable..and i still remember the countless days i have spent with him,listening to him speak about her..frankly,i used to feel bad for him..cuz i never realized HOW much a guy could actually like a girl,and not tell her..it has happened to me to..but,this was something else..we've spent hours and hours discussing the "what ifs" and "kyun yaaar...."..sigh..am happy he got the whole thing out of his system..he had to..i know it..at one point of time,so did i..but let's just say that's another story eh.. :)
may God bless you Vibhav... :)
was up till about 3 last night..doing chemistry,reading sportstar,listening to "Beautiful Tonight" by Eric Clapton over and over and over...sigh..i really do miss my girl..a lot..trust Clapton to come up with a song for all moods.. :) ..

oh..lol..was half asleep last night when my cell rang..missed call..didn't recognize the number,so i called back..missed call.. :D..no replies..so i messaged..twice..the second message a bit on the rude side(who would wanna be disturbed by anonymity at 2 in the night..uh..morning..erm..you get the picture)..turns out it was Anshika..and she was mighty pissed cuz i didn't remember her number..yeah like as if i am a telephone directory..i can barely remember my own number,let alone hers..exchanged a few heated messages..till her balance ran out..hehe..i thought she would never speak to me again..not that i would mind this,or anything else..
lol..she called this morning..and was quite perplexed cuz my last message was hinting towards a "goodbye friend" region..hehe..anyway..spoke to her..she is a funny female..lol..and quite strange too..spoke for some 15 minutes..which is nice considering that she called.. :) ..
hmm..heard another Lenny Kravitz song on VH1..sigh..it is good.. :)

awrighty,i think i'll blast now..have the Battle of Amines with Chemistry,and i intend to win.. :)

cheers!

oh..yeah..for YOU..if you're reading this,that is..if you are.....I LOVE YOU..more than words.. :)
*muah*

I BELONG TO YOU

You are the flame in my heart
You light my way in the dark
You are the ultimate star

You lift me from up above
Your unconditional love
Takes me to paradise

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

You make me feel so divine
Your soul and mind are entwined
Before you I was blind

But since I've opened my eyes
And with you there's no disguise
So I could open up my mind

I always loved you from the start
But I could not figure out
That I had to do it everyday

So I put away the fight
Now I'm gonna live my life
Giving you the most in every way

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Oh I belong to you
I belong to you
And you, you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Oh I belong to you
I belong to you
And you, you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Oh I belong to you
I belong to you
And you, and you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

in "the" mood,again.. :)

2008-02-18T16:18:00.000+05:30

Something i do when i am kinda feeling strange..WRITE..on my favorite topic..

The cosmos was discovered,relatively,only yesterday.For a million years,it was clear to everyone that there were no other places than our Earth.Then,in the last tenth of a percent of the lifetime of our species,in the instant between Aristarchus and ourselves,we reluctantly noticed that we were not the center and purpose of the Universe,but rather,lived on a tiny and fragile world lost in the immensity and eternity,drifting in a great cosmic ocean dotted here and there with a hundred billion galaxies and a billion trillion stars.We have bravely tested the waters and have found the ocean to our liking,resonant with our nature.Something in us recognizes the Cosmos as home.We are made of stellar ash.Our origin and evolution have been tied to distant cosmic events.The exploration of the Cosmos is a voyage of self-discovery.

As the ancient mythmakers knew,we are the children of the sky and the Earth.In our tenure on this planet we have accumulated dangerous evolutionary baggage,hereditary propensities for aggression and ritual,submission to leaders and hostility to outsiders,which place our survival i some question.But we have also acquired compassion for others,love for our children,a desire to learn from history,and a great soaring passionate intelligence-the clear tools for our continued survival and prosperity.Which aspects of our nature will prevail is uncertain,particularly when our vision and understanding,and prospects are bound exclusively to Earth-or,worse,to one small part of it.But up there,in the immensity of the Cosmos,an inescapable perspective awaits us.There are not yet any obvious signs of extraterrestrial intelligence and this makes us wonder whether civilizations like ours always rush implacably,headlong,towards self destruction.national boundaries are not evident when we view Earth from space.Fanatical ethnic or religious or national chauvinisms are a little difficult to maintain when we see our planet as a fragile blue crescent fading to become an inconspicuous point of light against the bastion and citadel of stars.Travel is broadening.

There are worlds on which life has never arisen.There are worlds that have been charred and ruined by cosmic catastrophes.We are fortunate:we are alive;we are powerful;the welfare of our civilization and our species is in our hands.If we do not speak for Earth,who will?
If we are not committed to our own survival,who will be?

The human species is now undertaking a great venture that if successful will be as important as colonization of the land or the descent from the trees.We are haltingly,tentatively breaking the shackles of Earth-metaphorically,in confronting and taming and admonitions of those more primitive brains within us;physically,in voyaging to the planets and listening for messages from each stars.These two enterprises are linked indissolubly.Each,I truly believe,is a necessary condition for the other.However,we as humans tend to look through these enterprises.

Cutting it short..
I believe we are the local embodiment of a Cosmos grown to self-awareness.We have begun to contemplate our origins:starstuff pondering the stars;organized assemblages of ten billion billion billion atoms considering the evolution of atoms;tracing the long journey by which,here at least,consciousness arose.Our loyalties are to the species and to the planet.We speak for the Earth.Our obligation to survive is owed not just to ourselves but also that Cosmos,ancient and vast,from which we spring.

Being alive today means being able to survive amongst the rest.And we,as humans,truly know HOW to survive.

May the one above be with us.

:)

2008-02-18T14:21:00.000+05:30

average day..just downloaded a song i heard months ago..OST FIFA 2007..sigh..love the song..lyrics are a bit sad,but the songs great..i love the band too..Keane..nothing too hard..Soft rock.. :)
i like..i like.. :)
you ought to listen to it..it kinda makes me happy..the piano,the dual vocals..maybe i am just strange.. :)

for somebody-
missin yeah..i know you are having a tough time now..and i can't do much more than say that i will always be there for you..cuz the internet is such a powerless medium in terms of human emotions..if only...sigh..
but you know i love you..a lot..more than words..praying for you with all my heart..just to see you smile..hope you make it through this..*muah*..i love you..

well..i think i'll leave..oh yeah...

"Nothing In My Way"

A turning tide
Lovers at a great divide
why d'you laugh
When I know that you hurt inside?

And why d'you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say?
And why d'you lie
When you wanna die, when you hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

A tell-tale sign
You don't know where to draw the line

And why d'you say
It's just another day, nothing in my way
I don't wanna go, I don't wanna stay
So there's nothing left to say
And why d'you lie
When you wanna die, when you hurt inside
Don't know what you lie for anyway
Now there's nothing left to say

Well for a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, it seems to me that you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time

For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, you're having such a nice time
For a lonely soul, it seems to me that you're having such a nice time
You're having such a nice time

:) ..

2008-02-16T20:42:00.000+05:30

hmm..wasn't a bad day..studied chem..and some physics..
spoke to Ankita..i miss my girl a lot..and especially yesterday..it was farewell..and we were at Chand's place..the "unforgettable" balcony.. :) ..
sigh..what's done is done..the farewell was spectacular..and the effort the juniors put in really reflected on the whole program..fabulous.. :)
will miss my school..almost cried during ami's speech..i don't wanna leave the place..i have come to love it,hate it,enjoy it..and more importantly,LIVE in it through the last 3 years..have seen the highs,the lows..the lowers..the lowest..hmm..
NCS Kochi taught me a hell lot about life,and how NOT to live it..and to think of it,i am quite happy i moved here in the 10th standard..half of my "best friends" from childhood(years back,i mean) are either smoking their way to glory,or getting high with frequent rounds of alcohol..
the narrow minded teachers have,at the end of the day,succeeded in one thing..making sure an ass like me did not cross any specified/unspecified line..a big thank you to all my teachers,those who taught me and those who didn't,who have,in any and every way,made me a better person.. :)
and of course...NCS Kochi gave me friends i will treasure for the rest of my life..have found people with hearts of gold..true people...who are what they are,no matter what..i thank the Almighty for blessing me with true friendship in its purest form..a big hug to Ankita(mwah!),Chand,Kaush,Ambika,Kaale,Melvin,Svety,Anurag,Mohita,Mathews,Neil,Ashita,Umesh,Pranav,Abhimanyu,
Harsh,Vishal,Daadee,Rahul(kaancha),Hari,Paazi,and some wonderful juniors like Seppa,Shas,Meghna,Dhruv Khanduri and Dhruv Rao..and a lot,lot more..sowie if your name ain't in..it doesn't mean i don't love you guys.. :) i am just confused right now..if your name ain't in,please do tell me..and i shall dedicate one whole blog entry to you.. :)

hmm..well..i don't know...........

*sigh*

Koi ho na ho..
main rahoonga na tu roh..
yaad kar le,mujhko..
jaanta main hun,too pareshaan meri jaan..
baant ley,apne aasoo..
ek baar apni..taklifo ko bhulakar,aankhen bandh kar
sapno main aa..
jahan main hun na..
bas tu hai na..

Main agar badal hota..
baarishon,mein tere gham baha deta..
Main agar badal hota..
baarishon,mein tere gham baha deta..
aur udd chalta,tujhe bahon mein sulake hardam,
uddta hi rehta,inn aasmaan mein...
ghar hota,hamara chand ke sarakho mein,
taare bhi hote..hamare aas paas..

sigh..i don't know what prompted me to put this in..i had to..hmm.. :(

well..i did cry last night..i don't usually cry for stuff like this..but i don't know..i cried..and i didn't try to stop myself either..i cried,and cried,and cried.and i think i cried myself to sleep.. :)
i don't wanna say goodbye to my friends..but it will eventually happen..*sigh*..
just hope that life has something good in store for me..

well..to all my friends..I hope you had the time of your lives.. :)

g'night..and may God bless you all..

cheers! :)
and we shall meet again.. :D

2008-02-09T22:09:00.000+05:30

i keep coming back to fill my blog with absolute bull...maybe because..no..*thinks hard*..
bah..the point is..i love to write..on benches,on chairs(my trusty Luxor Marker..*sigh* )on books,IN books..EVERYWHERE..not that i think i am exceptionally good at it..but the fact that i prefer to write at odd times of the day..any time,really..
bunk that..

no..BUNK that..

got my cell repaired today..lol..it was the sight of the century..got screwed couple of months back..on a rainy day..i had expected the water to have evaporated by now..but NIOOO..the laws of physics..the basic laws of NATURE don't apply to those wretched LG handsets do they..no!
the guy at the counter heated my cell..heated,i think..i don't know..he plugged it into some weird lookin device that looked like an arm..trust me..AN ARM..and voila!..water,water everywhere..and not a drop to splash..err..drink..not that i wanted any of the chemical H20..ugh..

got it done for free..maybe cuz the guy couldn't stop laughing..it was like a water tank..i swear to god it stored more water than a 2 ltr bottle of pepsi..*shakes head*

did nothing much today..woke up this morning..and i had a dream..lol..an awesome dream..she was there..and so was i...although,it seemed tooo good to be true..lol..ain't saying anything.. :) ..love you loads babe..missin you.. *hugg*..

am listening to Deep Purple after a year or so i guess..sigh..the good old days headbanging with Adrian..he reminds me of Nick Carter..Gay Headbangers Association of Bengaluru and annexed states.. :D may the Force be with you..till I come along dressed as Count Dooku and rip your flimsy pink pants off..to reveal a Paris Hilton underwear..sheesh..you gay,gay boy you.. :)

Kiah's boyfriend FINALLY left..nah,i aint a sadist..she is a good friend of mine..however,i am kinda relieved that he left..damn..it hurt to see both of them each day..she cried..he circled the bball court thinkin of ways to tell his dad to let him stay..and i..i, of all the people..I am asked frequently.."What do we do?!".. :S :S :S :S :S sorry folks..i grew up yesterday..am 16(DO NOT REVEAL) and the world still seems flat to me..*jumps into parallel universe*
but yeah..he left..and she stared..thought of taking notes..wanna make a low budget movie when i grow up..ah..sigh..wish i could help them..but i am as helpless as a Wigan defender playing United away from home..:) :P

oh..yeah..we completed 1 month..1 fabulous month..yaay!..love you..*cosmos hug*.. :)

well..since i am quite bored now..i shall leave..but yeah,i shall also leave you with the lyrics from my Song Of The Month..2nd month running..it came out over 20 years back..it is a classic..but trust me,it is good.. :)

Keep On Loving You

You shouldve seen by the look in my eyes, baby
There was somethin missin
You shouldve known by the tone of my voice, maybe
But you didnt listen
You played dead
But you never bled
Instead you lay still in the grass
All coiled up and hissin

And though I know all about those men
Still I dont remember
Cause it was us baby, way before then
And were still together
And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever

And Im gonna keep on lovin you
Cause its the only thing I wanna do
I dont wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin you

And I meant every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever

hmm..i guess i'll leave..gotta wake up early tomorrow..sunday..STUDYING..*stares at fat chem textbook*..

g'night to all of you creatures out there..in the wild,in space..anywhere in the cosmos..oh..time difference..bah..screw that..

Peace.

2008-02-05T21:24:00.000+05:30

well..i shall cut short of finishing my earlier post..well..because,when i am all old and wrinkled some 70 years on,i wanna proudly say that i had my autobiography published..not that anyone would care..but still..and i don't want anyone to know much.. :)
all done with the board practicals..damn..they went well..expecting full in phy and comp..unsure about chem though..hope it is the same.. :)..
i am tired of learning chem.
stop.
let's learn some more chem.
stop.
this sucks.
STOP!

bah..fillin in my blog is so damn tough because i don't have much to say..
oh..something strange happened today..Motoman.. :) ..lol..AJ knows.. :)

anyways..i think i'll blast..

love you babes..missin you.. :)

cheers!

and with that,we move on..

2008-01-24T23:59:00.000+05:30

Yes..there are times when life itself seems to eclipse everything around us..i know,that makes no sense..but nah..there's no better way to put it,really..
hmm..don't know why..but i just felt like writing tonight..(it's 12:05 am..)..
when i was born,the second child,the doc was kinda happy..maybe cuz i was a happy baby myself..happy with being me..happy with whatever was around me..happy with not crying at any time of the day,which really scared my mom a lot 'cuz my bro cried a lot as a kid..or so my mom tells me all the time..
i,Akhilesh M Ramachandran,was born an introvert..and that is what i am,during most of the day..maybe that's why crying was not such a favored option..
growing up,i had a few friends..the kind that wouldn't mind it if their moms asked them to study 20 hours on the trot..and this was back in the 4th standard..
hmm..thinking about those times really makes my heart kinda heavy..fat kid,no friends..but i didn't really care..
man..i miss those days..all i had to do was study..i cry everytime i see my old progress reports..yeah,cry..it sounds kinda melodramatic,but i do..it is kinda involuntary..crying usually is,isn't it.. :)
but yeah..it is kinda strange,to say the least..i wish i was half as intelligent as i was 7 years back...maybe that would make my mom proud..proud of the fact that she too,has a straight A kid...damn..if only the one above would LISTEN to what i had to say..but nah...maybe he has to listen to a lotta people,so he opts not to listen to me..it's ohk..i'll wait..i have an appointment with you for the 12th of october,2077 anyways..we shall meet.. :)
hmm..
i believe success comes to those who have tasted the lows and the lowers..i really do..i have seen it..i believe in it..
coming to think of it,maybe growing up a loner(my bro was my best friend for a major part of my formative years,so you can imagine.. :) ) really did help me open up to myself..i still remember sitting up late one night back when i was in the 5th,staring out the window and wondering if life would ever be any different..but why should it have been?i had everything..a great dad,an awesome mom,a bro who wouldn't let even a small puppy pass near me with the fear that i might get scared,I HAD THE MARKS...the 95's and the 100's..i had everything i could wish for..well..i didn't want anything else..then why did i ask myself that question..?
it still amazes me at how our minds long for changes,even when our present environment is the best it could ever be..
i remember the day dad told me that he was getting transferred to Mumbai..i didn't react at all..i didn't know what to say..i wasn't happy,nor was i sad..as i said,and i repeat this,I AM STRANGE..so bear with me.. :)
i think growing up in a city like Mumbai has its good points,and also the bad ones..
i became more open to accepting certain truths..nerds don't have friends..being called a nerd isn't any fun either..
so,i think that's why i stopped studying..i mean..the way i used to..i didn't want the attention..i was just this simple mallu kid(yeah,and i still am.. :) ) who went about his business not bothering anyone,and least bothered about the world..maybe that's why..
but coming to think of it,a change is a change..and maybe,a change for the better is always required..
no matter where i go,i shall always remember the days,years really,at my old school..in short,NPS Mumbai made me what i am today..and i have no qualms in saying it..i am an NPS product..sounds lame these days cuz nobody knows its true worth..
NPS Mumbai...a home away from home..i loved my teachers,i loved my friends..i loved life there..
wake up,rush to school..meet my buddies on the way,all dreary eyed..discussing EVERYTHING under the sun on the way to school..a 12 minute walk..but we did it in 30..that's our style,na himanshu? ..miss you,old pal..you've been a bro to me..and i don't think there can ever be a substitute for Himanshu Gandhi,wisecracking,all knowing,football loving,backtalking SOB in my life..not this one,that's for sure.. :)
hmm..
time constraints..i think i'll sleep now..
i shall return and write the rest..i promise..

missing you AJ..love you like crazy..more than words..
mwah!
hugg!!

tc baby..am always here for you.. :)
love yeah loads..

eu amá-lo-ei sempr'e.. :)

2008-01-21T17:59:00.000+05:30

hmm..went to school today..felt nice being back there after..after..*thinks hard..counts..counts again..picks up calculator..stares at the calendar..looks out the window..gives up*
bah..the point is..i miss that place,and it hasn't even been a whole week since i last went there..sigh..god alone knows how i'll manage to leave school..i might just as well hug a wall or something,and refuse to leave it till they don't give me one more year in the school.. :(
damn..feels like yesterday when the 11th std began..didn't know half my class..only a few..from my 10th std..and the others who played football..and then,i knew "her".. :)
lol..damn..2 years have gone by....NIIIOOOOO! :(
sigh..Ambika reminded me to click a pic of her on farewell,when she was all emotional and stuff..hehe..
hmm..
oh yeah!..just heard that my school uniform is gonna change..man..i like this uniform..it is classy..
but NO!..they wanna change it..just like someone told me today..a special someone.."they'll look like lizards!"..lol..:P
as far as i have heard,and trust me on this one..i have heard it from a verrrrrry reliable source..that the females are gonna have salwaar kameez..holy..i mean..NPS with that sorta uniform...noooooo! :P
lol..its gonna be funny..seein' all my juniors in absolute circus attire..hah..can't wait.. *makes evil horns visible*
hmm..nothing much to say really..was wearing cotton gloves in school today..the same color as my pants..as Anu said,"Hitman with an S..!" :P...sucker...

aaah!..anyways..damn..missed her like crazy today..damn..damn damn.. :)
love yeah..like crazy..crazier than crazy.. :)

hmm..that's about it then..didnt do much today..spoke to Kaale..he was as happy as..well..i dont know..he was freaking happy..and i am happy for him..which makes us all happy..so who is akhi?? :S

forgive me..temporary attack of..well..SKiosis.. :P

hmm..blehh..

don't have much to say..am missin her..am loving her.. :)

oh yeah..i'll just leave you with an extract frm the lyrics of my SOTM..

Cause it was us baby, way before then
And were still together
And I meant, every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever

And Im gonna keep on lovin you
Cause its the only thing I wanna do
I dont wanna sleep
I just wanna keep on lovin you

And I meant every word I said
When I said that I love you I meant
That I love you forever

..

:D
*muah!*

okies..i shall blast now.. :)

cheers!

blackout day..

2008-01-17T13:49:00.000+05:30

1 day after i mysteriously blacked out..feels nice,really..to be closer to a certain "force"..hehe..
feeling allright now..but damn..i felt as lose as a noodle yesterday..my hands and legs were wobbling..
lol..i was laughing at myself..hehe..no seriously..it was hilarious..
oh yeah..something really strange happened at the hospital yesterday..the doc was doing the checkup..checked my BP,BS,Cholestrol and stuff..and then he checked my heart rate..well,the thing is that my heart beats 2-3 beats more than the normal rate..fair enough,i thought,given the fact that i just can't seem to sit down at one place..but anyways,the doc was quite surprised..and then he asked me something which,i swear to God and my dear buddy Slash,made me smile for the rest of the day.."Hmm..your hearts beating a bit faster..any young woman you're thinking about??"..*sigh*..i didn't know what to say..didn't wanna tell him about myself..i didn't even know him..but yeah..he guessed right..SHE makes my heart skip 2 beats..love you like crazy,even more than words .. :)
lol..i was all happy after that..went to school,spoke to my class teacher who was a bit sympathetic..God alone knows why..oh yeah..Shireen ma'am was so freaking worried..i mean..i am not even her student!..have never been to any of her classes before,let alone speak to her in person..but yeah..she had that "OMG" look on her face..took me to the restroom,made me sit,got me cold water and Lays..yippeee..!thanked her,'cuz i wanted to eat Lays.. :)
was accompanied by my class teacher to the sick room..something was going on in there..some females running into the room,some running out..chaos..seems that some girl had an asthma attack..saw Watchman after an eternity.. but didn't get to speak to her..she was all worked up..hmm..
so,i was asked to go to the computer lab.."surrrrre!"..i gladly accepted the keys to the lab and took off..the lab is a much better place when its empty,and a certain "Computer teacher" is absent..anyways,i thought of lying down somewhere..was feeling kinda uneasy..mustered up the courage to switch on my computer..the second one..its the best one in the lab.. :P..
played Last Bronx after 7 and a half years..i think there was a tear in my eye..i mean..am so emotionally attached to this game..dad had got me the demo version from somewhere..yeah..this and Half Life:Opposing Force..sigh..thanks,dad.. :)
hmm..yeah..so played the game..beat the shit out of that slutty looking female opponent..and was listening to music..hehe..evil me.. :)
hmm..g2g now..will post more,later..
tc..:)

2008-01-12T11:05:00.000+05:30

well..yes..my name is Akhilesh..Akhi,in short..Giggs to some..no wait..Giggs only to HER..nobody else shall call me Giggs..it is a copyright,you see.. :P
ah..my first blog after the 7th of Jan..officially the bestest day of my life..*jumps,and lands back on chair*..i really can't believe that it happened..i mean..for the past 2 and a half years,i have had absolutely nothing else on my mind..yippeee!!
yes..i am the luckiest guy alive..i mean..to be with the girl of my dreams..(quite literally..i see her even when i am asleep)..
i just can't stop smiling..somebody tie me up to the chair.. :D
damn..i miss you..like crazy..makes me wanna cry too..but then thinkin about being with you puts a smile back on my face..aah!
i love her..and i cant think of being alive without hr..*goes on a victory lap*
she is all that i need..even more,maybe..
the one above doesn't make many like her..infact..she is the only one so special.. :)
don't know what to write..i am sitting here..smiling as widely as i possibly ever have..thinkin abt her..and abt how lucky i am..life is kinda nice,it is..
i mean..damn..i dont know..everything about her is just so perfect..the smile..the eyes..love her..like crazy..wait,thats the scnd time i said it..bah..i can on forever.. :)

:D :D
super happy!can't wait to see her again..will have to wait though..but hey..she is worth waiting for..even fr a 100 years.. :)

"Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."
-Robert A.Heinlein

"Keep me in your heart..I'd happily stay there forever.."

aah..happy new year to all of you,btw..sorry.. :)
anyways..will blast now..
missin her..loving her..:)

tc

Just a little something to soothe me.. :)

2007-12-16T15:25:00.000+05:30

When summer's gone flee my angel
Winterwinds they might lead you far away
Beyond the pale horizon, a greaven silence
Over dreams to my heart yet not remain

Oh please believe
It's in her eyes
It is inside
It's in my heart, the same relation from which
I once led astray
Oh please believe
It's in her eyes
It is inside
It's in my heart, the same delightful place
I once felt in you

Angellore revered at dusk
For thee I rose, now descend all alone
Rise for me, soothe my heart
So wide a sea, may I overcome

[Spoken] Into the night strays an angel
So lost and tearful all astray

Into the night strays an angel
So lost an d tearful all astray
Lo where's the pale horizon
Oh where is dyingness
You reach for me beyond so wide a sea

Oh please believe
It's in her eyes
It is inside
It's in my heart, the same desire
I feel burning in me
Oh please believe
It's in her eyes
It is inside
It's in my heart, the same desire from
The empty pain within

Rise for me, soothe my heart
So wide a sea, may I overcome

Deep as the sea, wailing secrecies are burning in me
For a dream I once desired
I bequeth my sorrow and I regret to thee
Cannot cross that wide a sea

Angellore revered at dusk
For thee I rose, now descend all alone
Rise for me, soothe my heart

So wide a sea, may I overcome

Fabio Capello and Why England needs him

2007-12-15T12:25:00.000+05:30

What do you do when you are the head of the most famous Football Association in the world,right after the team you more or less control crashes out of the qualifiers of a less intense European Championships?
a)You try blaming it on somebody,for instance,the coach
b)You begin the search for a new coach
c)You hide
d) All of the above

Well,irrespective of your answers,the fact remains that the Chairman of the FA,a certain Mr.Geoff Thompson,did all of the above..Well,technically speaking,England missing out on the much famed Euro is not his fault..the man responsible for this debacle is non other than Steve Mclaren,coach of the English football team,or the 3 Lions,as they are commonly referred to..
If i remember correctly,there was a time last year when Mclaren's former club,Middlesbrough,were in 'Technical Crisis' and had to be taken over by its senior players,just because this assclown couldn't manage the team..
And,not giving it a second thought,the FA appoint him as the new head coach as soon as Sven announces his departure..strange,but true..
As a die hard English fan(and I am not saying it for the sake of glory,'cause there is no glory related to what i have just mentioned),it hurt me everytime to see a team with truely world class players underperform..drawn into a qualification group where Croatia seemed the only threat,England made a mess of things..and now,all that the English fans,like me,can do is to sit at home and watch worthless teams like Austria and Switzerland battle it out in their home grounds..bloody nonsense,if you ask me..
The incompetence of the English FA was showcased last year itself,when,even after repeated attempts,they failed to lure a decent manager into the helm of the team..pretty weird,given the fact that England has no dearth of talent,and according to a survey,at least 5 capable players(i use the word 'capable' very carefully here,because none of us know how the surveys are conducted)come out of their respective youth academies..these players,if nurtured well,are possible future internationals..now the important question arises..WHY does a team like England not have a coach who can match the skills of his players with his managerial abilities?
we'll come to that in a second..but first,taking a look at another big European team..Portugal..i consider them the Brazil of Europe..no,no comparisons here..just the fact that all the other European teams have a more different approach to the game,unlike Portugal..the Portuguese are more about skill,flair,technique and finesse..and to match the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo,Deco,Nani,Quaresma,Gomes and others,they have Luis "Big Phil" Scolari..now,that's what i call a complete football setup..great players,great coach,great empty trophy cupboard..much the same as Spain..but that's another story.. :)
Oh yes,about the English team..the answer to the question is a simple one,really..the English FA does not know its job too well..they are usually in a dead hurry to find the 'right' man for the job,and they end up giving it to someone who doesn't even seem to be a man..
And now,the FA have done something sensible..bringing Fabio Capello over to England to coach the national side..yes,my dear friends..THE Fabio Capello..the man who won major trophies with teams like AS Roma,Juventus(yippee yipeee yaay yaay!),Real Madrid CF..and now,England..
it is widely believed that Capello will begin his 4 and a half year deal from the 7th of January,2008..
i hope the FA has learned its lesson regarding selection of the coach..rest assured,the England National team is in safe hands for the next four and a half years..so,my fellow English fans..we shall unite,once again,on the eve of the 2010 World Cup qualifiers..till then,its good bye,and good luck(to all those who plan to shoot down that no good son of a bitch named Steve Mclaren)

Cheers!

And here we are..

2007-12-13T11:54:00.000+05:30

back after a break..
had my chem pre board yesterday..damn..what a freakin paper..well,it would have been quite easy had i prepared well in advance..cuz all the questions were kinda direct..but anyways,what's done is done..cheers to that stupid chemical mixture i made in the lab..tokyo drift dedication..and mellu knows it.. :P..
oh yeah..was up till about 3 last night(and the night before)..saw United take on Roma at the Olympic Stadium,Rome..United had just 4 of their regular team players..Roma was fielding a full strength squad..a 1-1 draw in the end..an amazing result,considering the fact that most of these United players didn't have any experience at the European level..cheers!
so,we are in the final 16 now..for the 127191 time i think..potentially,United can win the tournament hands down..but we'll just have to wait and watch how they perform in the later stages..
ah..have Computers tomorrow..kinda ready for it..
spoke to a lot of my friends on the phone yesterday..Yaya called up..damn! was i happy to speak to her..felt really nice..i told her about the prob i have..yeah know..Yaya and I are very much alike..but Yaya has somethin i seriously lack..senses.. :)
she told me a lotta stuff..it was like actually talkin to a psychiatrist..we spoke and spoke..ah..thanks a lot Yaya..love you loads!!..please come back yaa..i'm missin you like crazy..you helped me soo much when i had a breakdown in last year..you know how vulnerable i am na..please..or i might just end up screwing my relationships..:(

hmm..oh yeah..Aissha called up too..weird,given the fact the last time i spoke to her was about 6 months back..God alone knows why she called up now..no seriously..i think she said that she never wanted to speak to me again..

She knew i was goin through hell..she sensed it..i almost cried on the phone..she can really charge me up..emotionally..she is a perfect girl if you are in search of one..i was in search of one way back..maybe that's how i found her.. :) .. we played that game we usually played..the "say anythin to me" game..man..she is one female who has accepted me for who i am..i mean..bah..i love her dearly..she knows it too..and she knows why we do what we do..well,she is a girl after all..and they are all special.. :)

also spoke to Adrian..i called him up..had to ask him about the MhCET forms..lol..we spoke about everything except the forms..he is one guy who knows how to cheer me up when the chips are down..he has this very strange way of fillin happiness around people..well..i usually listen to him more than i speak..he makes a hell lotta sense..he asked me to apologise to my friend..i just don't have the guts.. :|

was a nice day,really..speaking to old friends about my problems..may God bless all of em..love you all.. :)

well..that's about it for today..i'll leave now..my computer book awaits me..will write as soon as i get back from school tomorrow..cuz i have nothin better to do.. :)..

Cheers..

maybe it is over..

2007-12-08T22:58:00.000+05:30

sigh..just can't come to terms with the fact that i have caused her so much pain by saying something as stupid as i did..i don't know how to apologise..it is of no use..we will never be the same again..it hurts inside..it really,really hurts inside..from good friends..to..

why?
WHY!??!

it is my fault i guess..it is,it is..
damage control mode aint gonna work anymore..i have lost her..forever..
do you get it you jerk..YOU HAVE LOST YOUR BESTFRIEND cuz of your stupid ego..

i wish i could tell u how i felt..i really wish i could tell you and die..rid myself of all the pain..why does it happen to us??

God won't forgive me for bringing her the pain..my tears won't fix what i have brought upon myself..
this is my life..this is my world..AND I DON'T WANT IT..

i think it is about time i leave..sigh..
losers like me aren't supposed to be here..we belong nowhere...
i know i suck..more than anyone else..thats the way i am..changin it is gonna be tough...

sorry,AJ..i know i shouldn't have..maybe its time i ended everything for GOOD..

thanks a lot for being there..goodbye,AJ..will always remember you..remember us..

this ain't worth it anymore..

i am the reason this ended like this..i am the reason we drifted apart..i am the reason we became so awkward...i am the fucking reason for it all...

and now..i have nothing...

i know we are done..somewhere,somehow..i know that you and I will never be what we were..

forgive me..FORGIVE THIS IDIOTIC BASTARD...

bye..

:'(...

will never show my face again..

and for the last time...I AM SORRY..

:(

It is never too late.. >_<

2007-12-08T22:05:00.000+05:30

"Never Too Late"

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong
Who would have guessed it
I will not leave alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like it's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

No one will ever see
This side reflected
And if there's something wrong
Who would have guessed it
And I have left alone
Everything that I own
To make you feel like
It's not too late
It's never too late

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late

The world we knew
Won't come back
The time we've lost
Can't get back
The life we had
Won't be ours again

This world will never be
What I expected
And if I don't belong

Even if I say
It'll be alright
Still I hear you say
You want to end your life
Now and again we try
To just stay alive
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late
Maybe we'll turn it all around
'Cause it's not too late
It's never too late (It's never too late)
It's not too late

It's never too late

yeah..i dedicate todays blog to this song..i don't know why..it is a great song..makes me sad everytime i hear it..and thats a good thing right?? :)
ohk..well..here i am..sitting on a cozy chair,thinkin about what to write in my blog..its been a pretty weird week..down with cold..fought with a friend because of it..lol..dumb,i know..but thats how i am..
Why do we fight?i don't know..bunk that..she(the friend) doesn't wanna speak to me anymore..suits me,as i usually tell all those who fight with me..do what you wanna..

so..a new start..but to tell you the truth..it was really nice knowing her..she is a great person,and an even better friend..we just couldnt get along well..we had our differences..and i guess she had not forgiven herself for something she had done to me..but hey..it happens..its all a part of this wonderful thing called 'LIFE'.. :)
We met online..became buddies online..and then i mistook our friendship for somethin else..stupid ol me..i should have known..i went ahead with my intuition..and damn..that spoiled everything..well..what can i say now?..I AM SORRY FOR LOVING YOU. :)

i know i put her in an awkward position..i wish i could apologise for that..but i don't think i'll ever be able to..
I am happy now that i am over her..it was hard..but nothings impossible..and impossible is nothing.. :)

aah..the good times we shared..will never forget them..but i guess it's time for you and me to move on eh..i might have become something of a burden..i know..i usually burden my friends by being..well...myself..

to say the truth,things became very awkward after we broke up..i always felt she was trying to be close to me just to make up for..you know..everytime she acted nice,i felt that it was..i donno..
forgive me if i am wrong..just my opinion..

"We've gone our own ways and I know its for the best, but sometimes I wonder will I ever have a friend like you again?" - Blink 182
Cheers to us,AJ..may God bless you..and i'll pray to Him for your well being..
loads of love..

Akhi.. :)

Happy me!

2007-12-05T17:31:00.002+05:30

this honestly sucks..i write the bloody title and press enter thinkin it will take the cursor to the comment box..but it in turn publishes an EMPTY post..
anyways..been a long time since i actually wrote in here..
back after a long week..bought a new cam on Saturday..Sony Cybershot..DSC S700..looks beautiful..and damn..the picture quality rocks..trust Sony to make some really cool stuff.. :D
been merrily clickin pics and shootin videos ever since..
went to the Navy Mela on saturday..sucked bad..the mela gets worse every year..only good thing?
got to meet K again..felt nice..oh yeah..Sepa,Mellu and I got 4 chicken biryanis for 60 bucks..haha..
fooled those dumasses sittin at the coupon counter..*evil laugh*
reached home kinda late that day..10:00..now,you can imagine my plight..10:00 used to be early..way too early,back in Mumbai..i miss Mumbai..take me there,please...waaaah!
Bunked T.I.M.E. on sunday..had to go to Ravipuram,meet Anu and give him our comp project for printin..didn't meet him..guess i was late..and i had no mind to go home..so dropped by at Kaale's place..he was takin printouts of his own project..sat and spoke to him for a while..and asked him why he had left so bloody early the day before(frm the mela)..heard it from him..felt kinda bad for the guy..seriously..i wish i could do somethin to ease him from the pain he suffers everyday..a hug would do good..but guys don't do that sorta shit..you know what i mean don't you.. but anyways dude..i'll always be there for you..no matter whre we go after our school ends..we are painnttyyy bro's after all.. :D
lol..Kaale was visibly upset with Seebu..that ass hasn't even contributed anythin in their project..Kaale goes on and on about how Seebu's inefficiency will eventually lead him to do absolutely nothin..haha..
oh yeah..helped Kaale with the algorithm..ate some amazin Paav bhaaji at his place..honestly..that was THE BEST PAV BHAAJI i had since shiftin here from Mumbai..absolutely yum..and i am somebody who doesn't like food to such a great extent..wheee!
hmm..missed school on Monday and Tuesday..caught a cold..lucky me.. :P
today was my last day in school..felt kinda bad..nobody could come to terms with the fact that 2 wonderful years had come to an end...now the boards will come..and after that,we all go in our separate ways..damn..it feels bad..but i guess it happens..nothins fixed eh..
will miss all you guys..don't wanna leave my XII A..the amount of fun we've had..*sigh*
love all you guys.. :) ..
well..thats about it for today..i shall leave you all with a piece of advice i heard today from a very noble person..
"yeah know what success really is?? its risin from a huge defeat to a small victory..and then striving for even more small victories.."
see yeah people.. :D

Happy me!

2007-12-05T17:31:00.001+05:30

Happy birthday to ME!

2007-11-30T08:15:00.000+05:30

yeah..officially turned my age+1 yesterday..felt nice to be treated so well on my birthday..went early to school,'cause i had my computer record to complete..Kaancha was the first one to wish me..Melvin,Paazi followed..and then came Kaush..god alone knows how i got such a great best friend..she actually scavenged her house and got me jellybeans..although there were only 7 or 8..it doesn't matter..i love jellybeans..and then that other weird lookin lollipop..tasted nice..yeah,kinda like jellybeans..was wished practically all day long by friends,foes,teachers.. :)
skipped my physics extra class..i didn't wanna be tortured on my bday..and besides,the portions are over..damn,it was a wild run from the school to the complex..Kaush was waving at me,and when i looked,she asked me to scram 'cause Ajeena(my wonderful physics teacher)was searching for me..
anyways,reached the complex..waited..and the others came in about 10 minutes..Kaush came and gave me a box..and i knew what it was..and i wanted to give her a hug 'cause she actually remembered..anyways,the box was coloured and all with stuff that I practically live on..you know,she knows me better than me..there was even a caricature of the "Pink City",but somehow,it didn't strike the same chord in my heart like the last time..
i opened the box and found an awesome football...golden,with blue and red graphics on the sides..looks damn cool..Thanks a million,Kaush..you rock!!! love you!! :D
oh yeah..Shas and Ankita were standing right behind Kaush..and when i look,Shas gives me this cover..well,she had already told me in school that she had got me a gift so i was kinda expectin it..
yeh..so i take the gift out of the cover..it was wrapped in the Levi's store carry bag..damn..i still remember my baggies i bought just last week..2 grand..freakin costly shit..but hey..a pair of Levi's is always special..
i pull all the tape off...and TADA! A Nike Barcelona shoebag..and when i thought that was great,Shas asked me to open it..and i did..and let me tell you..i found in it,something more valuable than my Jockey underwears..a Nike Man Utd cap.. :D
thanks a lot Ankita and Shas!! yaaaay!! *hugs*
well..yeh..came back home..sat around in the room for a while..prayed to God..i do pray to God secretly..it gives me a great sense of understanding..prayed for the well being of my friends..and everybody i knew..He would have listened..it was my birthday after all.. :)
and then,at around 7-ish,Vibhav comes home..man,i am closer to this guy than i am to my "junior"..we share almost everythin(barring the undies)..he brought me a 4 litre tub of chocolate ice cream..and snickers!..yipee!
we sat and spoke for a long long time..and saw bits and pieces of Om Shanti Om..no matter what people say,i like that movie..
showed him my MSN blog..i thought he was cryin,'cause he was findin it difficult to speak..yeah,my MSN blog is messed up..and so,i don't use it anymore..
he went home at around 10..i watched TV for sometime..and then got a call from SK/Jimmy/Haraami Takla..hehe..the best senior i have had till date..he actually took the pains to call.. :)
felt nice speakin to him after so long..he is a good friend of mine,and it is always nice to talk to a good friend..thanks SK..your call really cheered me up.. :)
yeah..that's about it..and if you guys thought that this post was too long..it ain't my fault..you read the whole goddamned thing.. :P
all in all,a great birthday!..missed my dad..he was there the last time..and we had cut the cake too..but guess what,his spirit will always be with me..cuz he was my hero,and he,forever,will be..
love you dad..your kid just turned into a "young man"!! :D
anyways,a special thanks to all..especially Kaush,Vibhav,Shas,Ankita,Chand,Suzanne,Melvin(hehe!),Hari,Ambika,Svety(kameeni),Mathews,Anu,Paazi,Kaancha,SK,Ashita,Mohita,Manyu,Daga,Pranav,Mom,Vivek..
anybody and everybody who made my day..thanks a gazzillion,guys..love you all..and i apologize if i left out a few names..i really can't recall..i suck at that..

THANK YOU ALL FOR MAKIN MY BDAY GREAT..!!

I Don't Know What to Tell you..

2007-11-27T16:46:00.002+05:30

and now I think i am kinda addicted to that song..it is from NBA LIVE 2007..damn..today was crazy..5 comp theory periods..and now,my head hurts..and i feel like shit..i always do,so that ain't anythin new eh? :D
its kinda a bad time for most people i know..my best friends have problems of their own,you know..
big probs..my best buddy is being eaten up inside by a feeling we know as "Love"..may God bless him..
and then this female,who is also my best friend..don't know why,but she acts strange at times..and she's fightin wid somebody else so she's down practically all day long..
i,myself,was feelin kinda weird some days back..i guess i have snapped out of temporary hallucination/immense liking towards something(or someone) you just can't have..
maybe people like me are just well off listening to heavy metal and headbangin all night,rather than daydream all day long about a certain somebody..
and so,today,i raise my glass of old grape juice to those lesser mortals on earth who can never tell the person they like,how much they actually do..to all of you suckers,may the Force be with you..
what else?..let me see..finally i have changed the song on my player..E.P.I.K. -"High Fly"..this one is from FIFA 07..great song,if you wanna jump around on your seat and sing absolute shit in Japanese(no offence meant..i like Japan..and the Japanese..and the eyes.. :D )
am kinda confused..how on earth does a team as good as England lose out on the EURO??
EURO is supposed to be a "cycle" test before the real exam..The World Cup..i hope they can qualify for that at least..
what the hell is up with Steven Gerrard and co.?SG plays like a God for Liverpool(see:Free kick,Steven Gerrard,Liverpool vs Newcastle United)..i couldn't even see him on the pitch against Croatia..bloody money stuffin bastards..especially that no good son of a bitch named Frank Lampard..God alone knows what this shit is doing on the team..you could practically make somebody like Adebayor(according to me,the most worthless African to play in the Premier League)play central midfield in place of Lampard and expect goals..
anyways,bunk all that..
what I am sayin is not what i wanted to say..it is something i wanted to keep inside till the day somebody walked upto me and asked,"Whats wrong"..i'd practically blast..
and what do i have to do to see daylight tomorrow??
Sleep.
and that's precisely what i am gonna do..see yeah later..

I Don't Know What to Tell you..

2007-11-27T16:46:00.001+05:30